1
00:00:02,895 --> 00:00:04,397
MAN ON RADIO: ...looks good.
2
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:07,734
On the Northwest toll eastbound,
traffic is moving nicely this morning
3
00:00:07,817 --> 00:00:09,945
from Meacham Road all the
way down to River Road.
4
00:00:10,027 --> 00:00:13,622
Westbound, there's now a 20-car
backup at the Devon Avenue toll.
5
00:00:13,698 --> 00:00:16,918
And on the northbound I-290
extension at Thorndale Avenue,
6
00:00:16,993 --> 00:00:18,461
we had a spinout there.
7
00:00:18,536 --> 00:00:20,664
And that car was blocking
the right-hand lane,
8
00:00:20,746 --> 00:00:23,249
and also blocking the lane
that's coming off
9
00:00:23,332 --> 00:00:27,303
of the eastbound Thorndale
Avenue entrance ramp,
10
00:00:27,378 --> 00:00:30,723
leading to the northbound
I-290 extension.
11
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,347
This was causing a backup
to Irving Park. We have...
12
00:00:33,551 --> 00:00:37,055
(ALARM BLARING)
13
00:00:38,055 --> 00:00:40,604
Come on, chop, chop. We got
relatives invading this afternoon.
14
00:00:40,683 --> 00:00:44,608
Ginny, Mike, Sara, Sam!
Come on, everybody up.
15
00:00:45,438 --> 00:00:47,315
(LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)
16
00:00:47,398 --> 00:00:49,150
I think I have a fever.
17
00:00:49,233 --> 00:00:51,031
You don't have a fever.
18
00:00:51,110 --> 00:00:52,202
Shut your face.
19
00:00:52,278 --> 00:00:53,325
Make me.
20
00:00:53,404 --> 00:00:54,405
(PHONE RINGING)
21
00:00:54,488 --> 00:00:56,035
Dad, Mike hit me!
22
00:00:56,115 --> 00:00:57,207
You liar.
23
00:00:57,283 --> 00:00:59,502
Mike, come on, pal.
We got a wedding tomorrow.
24
00:00:59,577 --> 00:01:00,874
Try to cooperate, will you?
25
00:01:00,953 --> 00:01:02,455
Dad, I didn't hit her.
26
00:01:02,538 --> 00:01:04,757
I'd like to very much
and I probably will later,
27
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,630
but give me a break.
28
00:01:06,709 --> 00:01:09,758
You know my method. I don't hit her
when you're just clown the hall.
29
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:12,056
Pick on someone your own size.
30
00:01:14,383 --> 00:01:15,885
Open this door.
31
00:01:17,011 --> 00:01:19,810
Daddy, I'm the one
getting married.
32
00:01:19,889 --> 00:01:23,109
Not until tomorrow. Come on, I've
got a mouthful of toothpaste.
33
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:25,858
I happen to have
a serious problem.
34
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:28,402
MIKE: Dad.
35
00:01:28,606 --> 00:01:31,701
She got her period. Should make for
an interesting honeymoon, huh?
36
00:01:31,776 --> 00:01:33,369
Where are you
learning that stuff?
37
00:01:33,444 --> 00:01:34,696
School.
38
00:01:35,738 --> 00:01:37,957
Good. Getting my money's worth.
39
00:01:38,282 --> 00:01:42,207
MAN ON RADIO: They were fantastic.
Just great. What a great crowd.
40
00:01:42,286 --> 00:01:44,334
And it was so much fun...
41
00:01:56,676 --> 00:01:59,145
Chronologically,
you're 16 today.
42
00:02:00,096 --> 00:02:01,518
Physically,
43
00:02:03,099 --> 00:02:04,726
you're still 15.
44
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,315
(SIGHS)
45
00:02:10,022 --> 00:02:11,319
Hopeless.
46
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:17,906
Nope. I look exactly the same
as I have since summer.
47
00:02:18,823 --> 00:02:20,575
Utterly forgettable.
48
00:02:20,783 --> 00:02:23,753
No, I didn't expect
to wake up transformed.
49
00:02:23,953 --> 00:02:26,331
I just thought that turning
16 would be so major,
50
00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:30,840
that I'd wake up with an improved mental
state that would show in my face.
51
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,548
All that shows is that I don't
have any sort of a tan left.
52
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,262
I better get downstairs.
53
00:02:37,341 --> 00:02:41,187
My family's probably pissed off I haven't
let them wish me happy birthday yet.
54
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:43,731
All right.
I'll see you at school.
55
00:02:48,769 --> 00:02:51,943
You need four inches of bod
and a great birthday.
56
00:02:55,735 --> 00:02:57,533
- Where's my briefcase?
- MIKE: Where'd you leave it?
57
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:58,783
Don't be a smart-ass.
58
00:02:58,863 --> 00:02:59,955
Okay, I'll be a dumb-ass.
59
00:03:00,031 --> 00:03:01,499
You already are.
60
00:03:01,574 --> 00:03:03,121
Okay. Okay, where's Sam?
61
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,292
Where's my briefcase?
62
00:03:04,368 --> 00:03:05,369
Sam?
63
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,751
Allow me, Brenda.
Hey, birth defect.
64
00:03:08,914 --> 00:03:10,336
BRENDA: You missed
breakfast again.
65
00:03:10,416 --> 00:03:12,134
JIM: It wasn't my idea to
give her her own phone line,
66
00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:13,756
I don't have my own phone line.
67
00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:15,509
- SARA: Mike, lift or I'll punch you.
- BRENDA: Grab a donut.
68
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,427
- (CAR HONKING)
- You're totally infected.
69
00:03:17,506 --> 00:03:20,134
It's small, it's brown,
it's made of leather,
70
00:03:20,217 --> 00:03:23,596
it has my initials on it.
And I believe... That's it.
71
00:03:23,679 --> 00:03:26,182
Don't forget the grandparents
are coming this afternoon.
72
00:03:26,265 --> 00:03:27,812
Are we still having dinner
with the Rice Chex?
73
00:03:27,892 --> 00:03:30,145
Ryszczyks. 8:00 at the club.
74
00:03:30,227 --> 00:03:33,322
Oh, and you better learn their names.
As of tomorrow, they're family.
75
00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:34,865
That's a lovely thought.
76
00:03:34,940 --> 00:03:38,240
When it comes your turn to get
married, do me a favor. Elope.
77
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:39,536
Who'd marry her?
78
00:03:39,612 --> 00:03:40,989
Mr. T.
79
00:03:41,072 --> 00:03:43,416
I'm sorry, you'll
have to buy lunch today.
80
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,038
I didn't have time
to fix your carrots.
81
00:03:45,117 --> 00:03:48,587
Yeah, well, she's only eating carrots
to increase the size of her breasts.
82
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,164
BRENDA: Mister,
you had better shape up,
83
00:03:50,289 --> 00:03:52,337
or you will miss
your sister's wedding.
84
00:03:52,416 --> 00:03:53,668
Promise?
85
00:03:57,421 --> 00:04:00,345
Now, don't give me
that pouty look of yours.
86
00:04:00,424 --> 00:04:02,973
You can eat your carrots
when you get home.
87
00:04:03,052 --> 00:04:06,727
That's it? You don't have
anything else to say to me today?
88
00:04:07,807 --> 00:04:10,356
What would you like
me to say, Sam?
89
00:04:10,768 --> 00:04:13,237
Come on now, honey.
You're gonna miss the bus.
90
00:04:13,312 --> 00:04:14,939
Have a good day.
91
00:04:18,150 --> 00:04:19,868
I can't believe this.
92
00:04:19,944 --> 00:04:22,288
They fucking forgot my birthday.
93
00:06:21,398 --> 00:06:23,071
RANDY: I'm sure they didn't
forget your birthday.
94
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:24,777
They just didn't remember
it right away.
95
00:06:24,860 --> 00:06:26,737
Same difference.
96
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,656
I know it's a drag
that your Sweet 16's
97
00:06:28,739 --> 00:06:30,912
the day before Ginny
gets married, but big deal.
98
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,493
- They'll remember.
- Oh, easy for you to say.
99
00:06:32,576 --> 00:06:34,078
Did anyone ever
forget your birthday?
100
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,538
Come on, Sam.
101
00:06:35,621 --> 00:06:37,168
Everything's just
getting shittier.
102
00:06:37,248 --> 00:06:39,922
My family forgetting my birthday
just makes it more vivid.
103
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,173
What do you expect,
a breakfast birthday party?
104
00:06:42,253 --> 00:06:44,301
No, but they could have at
least said "Happy birthday."
105
00:06:44,380 --> 00:06:46,849
I mean, it was just
like any other day.
106
00:06:46,924 --> 00:06:48,642
Why don't you remind them?
107
00:06:48,717 --> 00:06:51,266
They'll feel some massive guilt.
It could be highly profitable.
108
00:06:51,345 --> 00:06:53,768
I wouldn't stoop to remind them.
109
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:56,225
Since I was about 12, I've been
looking forward to my Sweet 16.
110
00:06:56,308 --> 00:06:58,857
You know,
a big party and a band,
111
00:06:58,936 --> 00:07:00,609
- with tons of people.
- Tons of people.
112
00:07:00,688 --> 00:07:03,988
And a big Trans Am in the
driveway with a ribbon around it.
113
00:07:04,066 --> 00:07:07,070
And some incredibly gorgeous guy
that you meet, like, in France.
114
00:07:07,152 --> 00:07:09,325
And you do it on a cloud without
getting pregnant or herpes.
115
00:07:09,405 --> 00:07:10,452
I don't need the cloud.
116
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:11,953
Just a pink Trans Am
and the guy, right?
117
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:13,500
- A black one.
- A black guy?
118
00:07:13,575 --> 00:07:15,373
A black Trans Am. A pink guy.
119
00:07:15,452 --> 00:07:16,544
(BELL RINGING)
120
00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:17,712
Oh, no.
121
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,959
You swear to God,
you don't have it?
122
00:09:27,042 --> 00:09:28,510
I don't know anything about it.
123
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,505
Jennifer Woods gave me a sex
test during Child Development,
124
00:09:31,588 --> 00:09:34,762
and I was supposed to do it and pass
it to you in Independent Study.
125
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,264
I'm totally screwed.
126
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,311
Did you put your name on it?
127
00:09:38,387 --> 00:09:41,357
Hi. No, but it was
really embarrassing.
128
00:09:41,432 --> 00:09:43,776
I had to name who I'd do
it with if I ever did it.
129
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:45,398
Who'd you name?
130
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,443
- Jake Ryan.
- Jake Ryan?
131
00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:50,616
He doesn't even know you exist.
132
00:09:50,691 --> 00:09:52,739
Thank you. That's a
very nice thing to say.
133
00:09:52,818 --> 00:09:54,616
I'm sorry. But Jake Ryan?
134
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:57,574
He's a senior, and he's taken.
I mean, really taken.
135
00:09:57,656 --> 00:10:00,409
I know. It was supposed
to be my ideal.
136
00:10:00,492 --> 00:10:03,746
He's ideal, for sure,
but forget it.
137
00:10:04,455 --> 00:10:07,880
God, I hope whoever got the note
doesn't know it was me who wrote it.
138
00:10:07,958 --> 00:10:09,881
I'd shit twice and die.
139
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,341
Do you know Samantha Baker?
140
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,390
Sophomore, right?
141
00:10:19,470 --> 00:10:21,768
Yeah. What do you think of her?
142
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:24,475
I don't.
143
00:10:25,684 --> 00:10:28,028
Would you ever go out with her?
144
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,482
Depends on how much you paid me.
145
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:33,408
She's not ugly.
146
00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:37,246
There's nothing there, man.
147
00:10:37,321 --> 00:10:39,995
It's not ugly, it's just void.
148
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,120
You know what I mean?
149
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,452
There's something about her.
150
00:10:42,534 --> 00:10:44,127
I do Independent Study with her.
151
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:45,746
I catch her looking at me a lot.
152
00:10:45,829 --> 00:10:49,003
It's kind of cool, the way
she's always looking at me.
153
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,255
Maybe she's retarded.
154
00:10:51,335 --> 00:10:53,303
I'm being serious, okay?
155
00:10:53,378 --> 00:10:56,632
She looks at me like
she's in love with me.
156
00:10:56,715 --> 00:10:58,592
Jake, she's a child.
157
00:10:59,301 --> 00:11:00,769
So?
158
00:11:00,844 --> 00:11:02,096
So what are you
gonna do with her?
159
00:11:02,179 --> 00:11:05,103
She's obviously too
young to party serious.
160
00:11:05,807 --> 00:11:08,686
Maybe I'm interested
in more than a party.
161
00:11:09,686 --> 00:11:11,984
Come on, Jake. You talk
like you're hard up.
162
00:11:12,064 --> 00:11:14,487
You got Caroline.
Now she's a woman.
163
00:11:18,487 --> 00:11:20,160
It's unbelievable.
164
00:11:20,739 --> 00:11:24,789
I swear to God, Caroline Mulford
had to flunk about nine grades.
165
00:11:24,868 --> 00:11:27,212
RANDY: Truly makes me ill.
166
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,539
She's perfect.
167
00:11:28,622 --> 00:11:31,466
Practically impossible
to cut up.
168
00:11:31,542 --> 00:11:33,135
She's supposedly real sweet.
169
00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:36,805
Brother's deaf, and everybody
in the world worships her.
170
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,974
And she's going with Jake.
171
00:11:39,675 --> 00:11:41,552
Oh, I'm gonna kill myself.
172
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,019
My man.
173
00:11:52,896 --> 00:11:54,648
(INSTRUMENTS PLAYING OFF KEY)
174
00:11:59,069 --> 00:12:00,992
I loathe the bus.
175
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,948
(MUSIC STOPS)
176
00:12:07,119 --> 00:12:10,794
There has to be a more dignified
mode of transportation.
177
00:12:10,872 --> 00:12:13,591
I hope you get a car for
your birthday and a license.
178
00:12:13,667 --> 00:12:15,715
(SCOFFS)
Let's not hold our breath.
179
00:12:15,794 --> 00:12:17,171
(TOY GUNS FIRING)
180
00:12:18,589 --> 00:12:19,590
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
181
00:12:19,673 --> 00:12:22,597
BOTH: Score. A direct hit.
182
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:25,179
BOTH: On second thought.
183
00:12:27,764 --> 00:12:29,732
(INSTRUMENTS PLAYING OFF KEY)
184
00:12:50,370 --> 00:12:51,622
DRIVER: Move it.
185
00:13:00,964 --> 00:13:02,216
- Call me, okay?
- You call me first.
186
00:13:02,299 --> 00:13:03,676
Tell me what happened at home.
187
00:13:03,759 --> 00:13:06,308
I can tell you
right now. Nothing.
188
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:08,013
Would you quit feeling
sorry for yourself?
189
00:13:08,096 --> 00:13:09,894
It's bad for your complexion.
190
00:13:11,183 --> 00:13:12,901
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
191
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,580
How's it going?
192
00:13:32,663 --> 00:13:34,336
How's what going?
193
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:39,090
You know, things, life, whatnot.
194
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:42,510
Life is not whatnot, and
it's none of your business.
195
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,679
So you going to the New
Faces dance tonight or...
196
00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:51,140
That's also none
of your business.
197
00:13:51,223 --> 00:13:52,224
(SNIFFING)
198
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:58,068
Are you inhibited about
dancing in public? I mean,
199
00:13:58,146 --> 00:14:00,695
you don't have to dance. I mean,
you could just stand there
200
00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:02,902
with me and my dudes
and just be you, and...
201
00:14:02,984 --> 00:14:04,486
Sounds major.
202
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:10,201
So, I mean, what's the story?
I mean, you got a guy, or...
203
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,411
Yes, three big ones,
and they lust for wimp blood,
204
00:14:12,494 --> 00:14:15,998
so quit bugging me, or I'll sic
them all over your weenie ass.
205
00:14:17,165 --> 00:14:19,759
You know, I'm getting input here that
I'm reading as relatively hostile.
206
00:14:19,835 --> 00:14:22,054
- I mean, it's just...
- Go to hell.
207
00:14:23,588 --> 00:14:25,056
Very hostile.
208
00:14:27,759 --> 00:14:29,227
Come on,
what's the problem here?
209
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,975
I'm a boy, you're a girl.
210
00:14:31,054 --> 00:14:32,601
Is there anything wrong
with me trying to put together
211
00:14:32,681 --> 00:14:34,775
some kind of relationship
between us?
212
00:14:36,643 --> 00:14:39,192
Okay, look, I know you have to go.
Just answer me one question.
213
00:14:39,271 --> 00:14:40,864
Yes, you're a total fag.
214
00:14:40,939 --> 00:14:42,236
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
215
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,317
That's not the question.
216
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:46,950
Am I turning you on?
217
00:14:55,579 --> 00:14:56,580
(SIGHING)
218
00:14:56,663 --> 00:14:58,165
It's encouraging.
219
00:14:58,248 --> 00:15:00,501
- Very encouraging.
- Yeah...
220
00:15:00,584 --> 00:15:03,133
You know, a girl
with a hat is just so
221
00:15:03,211 --> 00:15:04,463
vogue.
222
00:15:04,546 --> 00:15:05,843
Yeah.
223
00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:19,982
(TWILIGHT ZONE THEME PLAYING)
224
00:15:22,606 --> 00:15:23,949
Where are my blue
socks, Dorothy?
225
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:26,072
DOROTHY: You mean to tell me
you didn't pack them?
226
00:15:26,151 --> 00:15:27,994
Oh, not again, Howard.
227
00:15:28,069 --> 00:15:29,821
Can't I trust you
to do anything?
228
00:15:29,905 --> 00:15:32,124
Do you expect me
to do all the packing?
229
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,702
Well, at least
I brought this for you.
230
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:36,870
It...
231
00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:38,254
Sam.
232
00:15:39,498 --> 00:15:40,499
Samantha.
233
00:15:40,582 --> 00:15:42,880
- Look.
- Oh, look.
234
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,339
- Hi.
- Hi.
235
00:15:47,756 --> 00:15:48,973
Oh, God.
236
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,097
(CHUCKLING)
237
00:15:51,176 --> 00:15:52,894
Oh, sweetheart.
238
00:15:52,969 --> 00:15:55,722
My goodness, are you a
sight for sore eyes.
239
00:15:58,767 --> 00:16:00,440
Oh, good. Just look.
240
00:16:00,519 --> 00:16:03,318
- How are you, my little lamb chop?
- Hello.
241
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:04,943
I'm fine, Grandpa.
242
00:16:05,023 --> 00:16:06,320
- Fine.
- How are you guys?
243
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,197
Oh, we're pretty good. Of course,
I get the lower back pain
244
00:16:08,276 --> 00:16:09,778
- every once in a while.
- Oh, my corns are killing me.
245
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:11,655
- And arthritis in my fingers.
- I still have those headaches.
246
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:13,240
- Bothers me quite a bit.
- But I brought the ice bag...
247
00:16:13,323 --> 00:16:15,496
So are you...
You're sleeping up here?
248
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:16,542
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
249
00:16:16,618 --> 00:16:20,498
Your grandfather Fred jumped our claim
on Sara's room. So here we are.
250
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:21,581
We gotta sleep up here.
251
00:16:21,665 --> 00:16:23,713
Well, I haven't seen
you guys in a while.
252
00:16:23,792 --> 00:16:26,045
Do I look any older today?
253
00:16:26,127 --> 00:16:28,505
Oh, no, no, I wouldn't say so.
Do you think so, darling?
254
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:31,091
DOROTHY: No. Oh, I hope
it isn't cold tomorrow.
255
00:16:31,174 --> 00:16:32,266
You know Ginny.
256
00:16:32,342 --> 00:16:34,344
- It's not gonna be cold...
- She'll refuse to wear a hat and coat
257
00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,725
- Well, if she does, you mustn't bug her
- over her wedding dress.
258
00:16:36,805 --> 00:16:38,807
- because if a girl does not...
- I'm not gonna bug her...
259
00:16:38,890 --> 00:16:41,860
I'm gonna go set myself up in Mike's room.
So I'll see you guys later.
260
00:16:41,935 --> 00:16:43,608
- Okay, sweetheart.
- Oh, look, there she goes.
261
00:16:43,687 --> 00:16:47,942
Grandpa and I are looking forward to
a nice, long, long visit with you.
262
00:16:48,024 --> 00:16:49,116
Aces.
263
00:16:49,192 --> 00:16:51,991
We certainly are.
We're looking forward...
264
00:16:52,237 --> 00:16:54,706
See you a little later,
darling. We've got a lot to...
265
00:16:56,283 --> 00:16:59,662
I swear to God,
this has got to be a joke.
266
00:16:59,744 --> 00:17:02,213
Grandparents forgetting
a birthday?
267
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:03,711
They live for that shit.
268
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:04,791
(TOILET FLUSHING)
269
00:17:05,208 --> 00:17:07,631
(SINGING)
...with my arms around you
270
00:17:08,545 --> 00:17:11,298
Well, well, if it isn't
271
00:17:11,381 --> 00:17:14,476
Sammy Baker Davis Jr.
272
00:17:15,385 --> 00:17:16,386
Hi, Grandpa.
273
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,096
Oh, I've got one for you.
274
00:17:18,179 --> 00:17:19,806
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
275
00:17:19,890 --> 00:17:21,483
- Who.
- Who, who?
276
00:17:21,558 --> 00:17:25,153
Helen, we've got an owl
out here in the hall.
277
00:17:28,565 --> 00:17:30,738
Fred, Fred, leave her alone.
278
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:33,161
- You'll make her tinkle.
- Oh, come on, Helen.
279
00:17:33,236 --> 00:17:35,910
Oh, Sam, let me look at you.
280
00:17:39,075 --> 00:17:41,328
Fred, she's gotten her boobies.
281
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:45,003
FRED: I'd better go get
my magnifying glass.
282
00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:48,418
Oh, and they are so perky.
283
00:18:01,723 --> 00:18:05,023
I can't believe my grandmother
actually felt me up.
284
00:18:09,230 --> 00:18:10,903
(GONG SOUNDING)
285
00:18:10,982 --> 00:18:13,280
What's happening, hot stuff?
286
00:18:14,444 --> 00:18:16,867
His name is Long Duk Dong.
287
00:18:17,656 --> 00:18:18,828
What?
288
00:18:19,032 --> 00:18:20,534
Long Duk Dong.
289
00:18:20,992 --> 00:18:22,960
He came down with Grandma
and Grandpa Baker.
290
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:25,539
He's an exchange student
that's living with them.
291
00:18:25,622 --> 00:18:27,420
Yeah, well,
he's totally bizarre.
292
00:18:27,499 --> 00:18:28,716
He is not.
293
00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:31,674
He is a very sweet boy.
294
00:18:32,253 --> 00:18:35,928
I just hope you burn the sheets
and mattresses after he leaves.
295
00:18:37,133 --> 00:18:38,726
I don't suppose it makes
any difference to you,
296
00:18:38,802 --> 00:18:41,396
but there's a very weird
Chinese guy up in Mike's room.
297
00:18:41,471 --> 00:18:44,020
Ginny dumped Rudy
and he's her new fiancé.
298
00:18:44,099 --> 00:18:45,897
BRENDA: Mike, stop it.
299
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:49,904
Sam, honey, do you think you could
help the grandmothers with supper?
300
00:18:49,980 --> 00:18:52,950
Dad and I have to go to the club
for dinner with the Rice Chex.
301
00:18:53,024 --> 00:18:55,903
Ryszczyks.
302
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:57,988
Do you think that
there's any reason
303
00:18:58,071 --> 00:19:01,075
that I should possibly
stay home tonight?
304
00:19:01,157 --> 00:19:03,205
Well, I think it might
be nice if you'd visit
305
00:19:03,284 --> 00:19:05,662
with your grandparents
and Long Duk Dong.
306
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:06,997
Who?
307
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:10,003
The weird Chinese
guy in Mike's room.
308
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:12,677
I think I have a dance to go to.
309
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:14,379
Well, that's okay.
310
00:19:15,171 --> 00:19:18,721
Oh, can you remember to turn
off the stove in 20 minutes?
311
00:19:19,342 --> 00:19:21,640
I can remember lots of things.
312
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:29,649
This is the single worst
day of my entire life.
313
00:19:29,728 --> 00:19:31,401
What the hell
are you bitching about?
314
00:19:31,479 --> 00:19:35,279
I gotta sleep under some Chinaman
named after a duck's dork.
315
00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:37,569
Well, where am I sleeping?
316
00:19:37,652 --> 00:19:39,370
Sofa City, sweetheart.
317
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:48,792
Do you think Grandpa Fred's
going to embarrass me?
318
00:19:48,872 --> 00:19:52,297
I don't know why not.
He does it to everyone else.
319
00:19:52,375 --> 00:19:56,551
He already asked me if Rudy
was the oily variety bohunk.
320
00:19:56,629 --> 00:19:58,381
Is he?
321
00:19:58,465 --> 00:19:59,842
Don't be cute.
322
00:20:01,176 --> 00:20:02,803
I really love Rudy.
323
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,807
And he is totally
enamored of me.
324
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:11,527
I mean, I've had men
who've loved me before,
325
00:20:11,603 --> 00:20:15,073
but not for six months in a row.
326
00:20:15,982 --> 00:20:17,780
I think I'm in love.
327
00:20:17,859 --> 00:20:20,829
So how long have you
been in love?
328
00:20:21,613 --> 00:20:24,332
Well, it hasn't really
happened yet.
329
00:20:24,407 --> 00:20:26,250
So what's the deal?
330
00:20:27,911 --> 00:20:30,460
I'm not sure that
he knows I exist.
331
00:20:32,165 --> 00:20:35,760
Sam, I really don't
have time for this.
332
00:20:37,045 --> 00:20:38,763
Well, I'm sorry.
333
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,762
I always listen to you
talk about your boyfriends.
334
00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:44,344
Darling, is something
bothering you?
335
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,689
You're really acting
like an asshole.
336
00:20:53,895 --> 00:20:55,442
And I think I know what it is.
337
00:20:55,522 --> 00:20:58,617
I think you're jealous
that I'm getting married
338
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:01,194
and that I'm getting
all the attention.
339
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:07,159
You know, everybody in this family
has just gone totally Outer Limits.
340
00:21:07,242 --> 00:21:08,835
No, Sam.
341
00:21:08,910 --> 00:21:12,881
I think you're just being
a little selfish and immature.
342
00:21:14,999 --> 00:21:16,751
Oh, yes. That's it.
343
00:21:17,460 --> 00:21:19,087
That's exactly it.
344
00:21:22,340 --> 00:21:23,557
Unbelievable.
345
00:21:23,633 --> 00:21:26,853
You make someone a bridesmaid,
and they shit all over you.
346
00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:28,896
(GONG SOUNDING)
347
00:21:37,230 --> 00:21:39,107
Very clever dinner.
348
00:21:39,190 --> 00:21:44,242
Appetizing food fit neatly
into interesting round pie.
349
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,993
It's a quiche.
350
00:21:46,072 --> 00:21:47,494
How do you spell?
351
00:21:47,574 --> 00:21:50,418
Well, you don't spell it,
son, you eat it.
352
00:21:52,662 --> 00:21:55,836
Dong has only been in our
country a short time, Fred.
353
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:58,634
I think we could all
help him assimilate.
354
00:21:59,794 --> 00:22:02,673
DOROTHY: Long Duk Dong is
about your age, Sam.
355
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:05,304
You two should have
a lot to chat about.
356
00:22:05,383 --> 00:22:08,853
I love visiting with
Grandma and Grandpa
357
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:11,056
and writing letters to parents
358
00:22:11,139 --> 00:22:13,813
and pushing lawn-mowing machine
359
00:22:13,892 --> 00:22:17,112
so Grandpa's hyena
don't get disturbed.
360
00:22:18,229 --> 00:22:19,697
Hernia.
361
00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:23,071
Oh, yes, yes, yes, indeedy.
362
00:22:23,151 --> 00:22:26,451
He does the dishes
and helps with the laundry,
363
00:22:26,529 --> 00:22:27,781
you betcha.
364
00:22:30,700 --> 00:22:32,373
May I be excused?
365
00:22:32,619 --> 00:22:34,087
Where are you going?
366
00:22:35,038 --> 00:22:37,587
I have a dance
to go to at school.
367
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,002
It's a very important dance.
368
00:22:41,085 --> 00:22:43,588
We're being graded
on it for gym.
369
00:22:43,671 --> 00:22:46,424
Wait a minute.
I have a wonderful idea.
370
00:22:48,468 --> 00:22:51,267
Would you like to go
to the dance with Sam?
371
00:22:51,346 --> 00:22:52,893
(GONG SOUNDING)
372
00:22:54,349 --> 00:22:56,943
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
373
00:23:15,328 --> 00:23:16,580
I wonder if Jake's here.
374
00:23:16,663 --> 00:23:18,256
I don't think it's too
healthy to get all jacked up
375
00:23:18,331 --> 00:23:20,174
about some guy
that isn't even a thing yet.
376
00:23:20,250 --> 00:23:23,220
Yeah, when you don't have anything, you
don't have anything to lose, right?
377
00:23:23,294 --> 00:23:25,422
That's a cheerful thought.
378
00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:27,428
Let's go make
ourselves available.
379
00:23:45,024 --> 00:23:47,698
That's the one, dude.
Scope it out.
380
00:23:47,777 --> 00:23:49,029
She doesn't look
like a freshman.
381
00:23:49,112 --> 00:23:50,955
Sophomore, dude. Sophomore.
382
00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:53,158
Fully-aged sophomore meat.
383
00:23:56,703 --> 00:23:57,875
We do the bus together.
384
00:23:57,954 --> 00:23:58,921
You talk to her?
385
00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:01,587
- Talk? Dude, I have a relationship with her.
- Get off.
386
00:24:01,666 --> 00:24:03,794
Figured to, like, 17 digits.
387
00:24:04,585 --> 00:24:06,804
You are such a liar.
388
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:08,472
We'll see about that, my man.
389
00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:13,304
By night's end, I predict
me and her will interface.
390
00:24:17,140 --> 00:24:19,893
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
391
00:24:42,290 --> 00:24:44,088
Check it out, Wease.
392
00:24:46,627 --> 00:24:48,220
Pretty intense, huh? Over.
393
00:24:48,296 --> 00:24:50,094
Wacks to the max. Over.
394
00:25:03,853 --> 00:25:05,275
All right.
395
00:25:06,647 --> 00:25:08,115
I knew you'd come around.
396
00:25:10,026 --> 00:25:11,243
Christ.
397
00:25:12,445 --> 00:25:14,447
Crank that, sister.
398
00:25:14,781 --> 00:25:17,125
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
399
00:25:23,873 --> 00:25:27,002
Very hot. Very hot. Tonight,
tonight is happening.
400
00:25:33,132 --> 00:25:35,100
I'm blowing your mind, aren't I?
401
00:25:37,470 --> 00:25:39,518
I'm just getting warmed up.
402
00:25:49,357 --> 00:25:50,358
(FARTS)
403
00:25:55,655 --> 00:25:57,032
Excuse me.
404
00:26:29,689 --> 00:26:32,533
Way to go, dick-face.
She took off.
405
00:26:32,859 --> 00:26:36,033
Don't spaz out, okay, Wease? The
situation will come online.
406
00:26:36,112 --> 00:26:40,037
Yeah? I'll bet you a dozen floppy
disks you don't even get tit.
407
00:26:40,241 --> 00:26:42,790
You got a bet, scumbag.
I'll get it all.
408
00:26:42,869 --> 00:26:46,123
Take off. You wouldn't even
be able to prove it, anyway.
409
00:26:46,372 --> 00:26:47,919
A, don't hit me.
410
00:26:47,999 --> 00:26:50,878
Secondly, what kind
of proof do you want?
411
00:26:52,003 --> 00:26:53,550
- Video.
- Video.
412
00:26:53,629 --> 00:26:56,382
No way, okay? I can just see the
thing getting duped a thousand times
413
00:26:56,466 --> 00:26:58,935
and, like, winding up
on cable somewhere.
414
00:26:59,010 --> 00:27:00,387
Try again.
415
00:27:00,761 --> 00:27:02,729
- Underpants.
- Underpants.
416
00:27:05,057 --> 00:27:06,900
No prob, butt-lick.
417
00:27:16,068 --> 00:27:17,661
BOTH: Girls' underpants.
418
00:27:48,684 --> 00:27:50,607
So, what's your name?
419
00:27:50,686 --> 00:27:51,778
Dong.
420
00:27:53,022 --> 00:27:54,695
What's your first name?
421
00:27:54,774 --> 00:27:55,946
Long.
422
00:27:57,693 --> 00:27:59,912
What's your middle name?
423
00:27:59,987 --> 00:28:01,113
Duk.
424
00:28:03,908 --> 00:28:07,788
I bet all the boys chase you
plenty in the school, huh?
425
00:28:07,870 --> 00:28:09,588
Nobody's caught me yet.
426
00:28:10,248 --> 00:28:11,875
I betcha you big teaser, huh?
427
00:28:11,958 --> 00:28:15,428
No. I run the 40 in five flat.
428
00:28:16,712 --> 00:28:17,838
Flat?
429
00:28:21,717 --> 00:28:22,934
Hey.
430
00:28:23,010 --> 00:28:24,478
I'm really sorry, man.
431
00:28:24,554 --> 00:28:27,683
Whatever I did was an...
I mean, I didn't mean to...
432
00:28:27,765 --> 00:28:28,982
Relax.
433
00:28:34,647 --> 00:28:37,821
You were dancing with a girl?
434
00:28:38,317 --> 00:28:41,161
Oh, man, I'm really,
I'm really sorry, man.
435
00:28:41,237 --> 00:28:42,657
I must've been on drugs
five minutes ago.
436
00:28:42,658 --> 00:28:44,953
- I didn't even know what I was doing.
- Do you know her?
437
00:28:45,032 --> 00:28:48,332
She grabbed me, guy. I'm totally innocent.
Is she yours?
438
00:28:48,411 --> 00:28:50,505
What do you know about her?
439
00:28:51,122 --> 00:28:53,841
She has smallish tits,
decent voice.
440
00:28:54,292 --> 00:28:57,762
Smells pretty good.
She drives me crazy.
441
00:28:57,837 --> 00:28:59,339
Did she come here with you?
442
00:28:59,422 --> 00:29:03,347
No, no. But if it's okay with my
dad, she's going home with me.
443
00:29:04,635 --> 00:29:05,978
Excuse me.
444
00:29:13,519 --> 00:29:15,613
(GIRLS CHATTERING)
445
00:29:16,355 --> 00:29:18,608
- Do you guys want to blow off this dance?
- Yes.
446
00:29:18,691 --> 00:29:21,114
I am bored to
the brink of insanity.
447
00:29:21,193 --> 00:29:22,945
And go where?
448
00:29:23,029 --> 00:29:25,157
Jake's parents aren't home,
we could do his house.
449
00:29:25,239 --> 00:29:26,536
How's it going?
450
00:29:27,074 --> 00:29:28,075
Fine.
451
00:29:28,242 --> 00:29:29,289
We'd have to
party light, though,
452
00:29:29,368 --> 00:29:31,462
Jake's too paranoid about his
parents' house getting trashed.
453
00:29:31,537 --> 00:29:32,880
ROBIN: Again?
454
00:30:03,194 --> 00:30:04,912
Okay.
455
00:30:06,364 --> 00:30:07,741
All right.
456
00:30:11,869 --> 00:30:14,372
Just trying to get
a little bit of water.
457
00:30:15,790 --> 00:30:16,837
Yeah.
458
00:30:21,837 --> 00:30:23,885
Yes, I'm back.
459
00:30:23,964 --> 00:30:25,386
So I smell.
460
00:30:25,758 --> 00:30:28,181
It's from my shaving cream.
461
00:30:28,260 --> 00:30:30,137
You wanna feel a real
clean, close shave?
462
00:30:30,221 --> 00:30:31,598
I'll pass.
463
00:30:31,681 --> 00:30:34,025
Couldn't find anyone
else to bug, huh?
464
00:30:34,100 --> 00:30:37,070
Come on. You know you're the
one I want to bug, huh?
465
00:30:37,144 --> 00:30:40,489
This is my friend, Randy.
And that's Jimmy Montrose.
466
00:30:40,815 --> 00:30:42,943
- Howdy, dude.
- This is Farmer Fred.
467
00:30:43,067 --> 00:30:45,786
- Ted.
- Oh, I'm sorry. This is Farmer Ted.
468
00:30:45,861 --> 00:30:48,330
I'm not really a farmer.
I'm a freshman.
469
00:30:48,406 --> 00:30:50,625
Geek, can I be honest with you?
470
00:30:50,700 --> 00:30:52,828
Not if you're gonna insult me.
471
00:30:52,910 --> 00:30:54,082
Okay.
472
00:30:56,997 --> 00:30:59,750
- Shoot.
- Get the hell out of here.
473
00:30:59,834 --> 00:31:02,633
Nice, nice manners, babe.
474
00:31:02,712 --> 00:31:05,431
She's totally serious, ass-wipe.
475
00:31:05,506 --> 00:31:06,553
Chill.
476
00:31:12,847 --> 00:31:15,100
You wanna split with me? I...
477
00:31:16,809 --> 00:31:18,061
- I don't know, you know.
- I can't handle this.
478
00:31:18,144 --> 00:31:19,236
My mom always tells me,
479
00:31:19,311 --> 00:31:21,063
"if you want something, you
gotta ask for it," you know?
480
00:31:21,147 --> 00:31:23,070
I mean, I'm not
the kind of guy...
481
00:31:23,149 --> 00:31:26,153
It's embarrassing for me.
I don't know. I just...
482
00:31:27,486 --> 00:31:28,908
It's just...
483
00:32:15,242 --> 00:32:17,995
I'm really sorry about
what happened in the gym.
484
00:32:18,245 --> 00:32:20,794
I had no idea
you couldn't dance.
485
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:27,137
(CRASHING)
486
00:32:47,691 --> 00:32:49,193
What a decent night, huh?
487
00:32:49,276 --> 00:32:50,653
It's my birthday.
488
00:32:53,906 --> 00:32:54,907
(HUMMING)
489
00:32:54,990 --> 00:32:57,209
(SINGING)
You say it's your birthday
490
00:32:57,284 --> 00:32:59,161
It's my birthday, too
491
00:32:59,245 --> 00:33:01,623
Don't do that, okay?
492
00:33:03,415 --> 00:33:05,088
Hey, Jude
493
00:33:05,167 --> 00:33:06,589
Just stop it, okay?
494
00:33:06,669 --> 00:33:09,013
I mean, it's really been
a shitty birthday for me.
495
00:33:09,088 --> 00:33:12,262
No offense, but I don't
need a serenade right how.
496
00:33:13,300 --> 00:33:15,302
What's wrong? You didn't
get anything good, or...
497
00:33:15,386 --> 00:33:18,265
I didn't get shit.
Not even, "Happy birthday."
498
00:33:18,347 --> 00:33:21,146
My whole family
just sort of blew it off.
499
00:33:23,769 --> 00:33:26,067
I'd freak if my family
forgot my birthday.
500
00:33:26,146 --> 00:33:27,272
It's a brand-new year.
501
00:33:27,356 --> 00:33:29,074
I'm 16. Everything
should be platinum.
502
00:33:29,149 --> 00:33:30,492
I should be happy, right?
503
00:33:30,901 --> 00:33:32,323
- Right?
- Yeah.
504
00:33:32,403 --> 00:33:34,155
Well, I can't get happy.
505
00:33:34,238 --> 00:33:37,287
It is physically impossible
for me to get happy.
506
00:33:41,370 --> 00:33:44,590
Would you feel better if you
knew one of my secrets, or...
507
00:33:44,665 --> 00:33:46,042
Don't gross me out.
508
00:33:46,125 --> 00:33:48,548
No, we're not talking gross
here. No, it's just...
509
00:33:49,336 --> 00:33:51,259
It's just embarrassing.
510
00:33:57,636 --> 00:33:59,684
This information cannot leave
this room, okay?
511
00:33:59,763 --> 00:34:02,642
It would devastate
my reputation as a dude.
512
00:34:04,101 --> 00:34:05,478
No problem.
513
00:34:10,733 --> 00:34:12,656
I've never bagged a babe.
514
00:34:16,196 --> 00:34:17,368
I'm not a stud.
515
00:34:21,577 --> 00:34:23,579
I got the rep in sixth grade.
516
00:34:23,662 --> 00:34:25,756
And it, like, I don't know,
it stuck with me.
517
00:34:25,831 --> 00:34:27,629
I'm still on hold.
518
00:34:29,668 --> 00:34:33,093
Look, I'd appreciate
you not laughing, okay?
519
00:34:33,172 --> 00:34:34,515
I'm sorry.
520
00:34:35,591 --> 00:34:37,935
That's not what I meant.
521
00:34:40,971 --> 00:34:42,348
I meant...
522
00:34:44,183 --> 00:34:46,231
- (HORN BLARING)
- Hey, time out, junior.
523
00:34:49,730 --> 00:34:51,107
Pardon me.
524
00:34:56,153 --> 00:34:57,530
It's okay.
525
00:35:02,701 --> 00:35:04,624
I meant that it's okay
that you did it once,
526
00:35:04,703 --> 00:35:07,422
but I didn't mean
for you to do it again.
527
00:35:08,499 --> 00:35:09,876
I'm sorry.
528
00:35:11,543 --> 00:35:12,715
Sorry.
529
00:35:15,339 --> 00:35:18,434
You know, just now, I really
felt how much you like me.
530
00:35:19,969 --> 00:35:23,223
You're probably zoning in on
my brain waves or something.
531
00:35:23,889 --> 00:35:26,563
Well, not really,
I felt it on my leg.
532
00:35:28,519 --> 00:35:30,863
Come on. I don't want to see it!
533
00:35:36,318 --> 00:35:38,662
Sorry if I embarrassed you.
534
00:35:38,737 --> 00:35:40,865
I'm not embarrassed.
535
00:35:40,948 --> 00:35:43,417
Fresh breath's
a priority in my life.
536
00:35:46,787 --> 00:35:48,664
You know, I really don't
want to hurt your feelings,
537
00:35:48,747 --> 00:35:51,341
'cause it's really human of you
to listen to all my bullshit.
538
00:35:51,417 --> 00:35:53,761
I care about it, really.
I mean...
539
00:35:54,586 --> 00:35:58,682
I know I came on kind of like a poozer
on the bus tonight and everything,
540
00:35:58,757 --> 00:36:02,557
but that's just so my friends won't
think, you Know, I'm a jerk.
541
00:36:02,636 --> 00:36:05,264
But they're all pretty much
jerks, though, aren't they?
542
00:36:05,347 --> 00:36:08,647
Yeah, but the thing is, I'm kind
of like the leader, you know.
543
00:36:09,893 --> 00:36:12,271
Kind of like the king
of the dipshits.
544
00:36:12,354 --> 00:36:13,947
Well, that's pretty cool.
545
00:36:14,273 --> 00:36:16,367
Hey, but a lot can happen
over a year.
546
00:36:16,442 --> 00:36:20,492
I mean, you could come back next
fall as a completely normal person.
547
00:36:20,571 --> 00:36:22,244
- Yeah?
- Sure.
548
00:36:27,286 --> 00:36:29,914
Would it be totally
off the wall if...
549
00:36:31,165 --> 00:36:33,884
if I asked if I could
have sex with you?
550
00:36:36,795 --> 00:36:40,766
Yeah, well, you asking me is not
as off the wall as why I won't.
551
00:36:40,841 --> 00:36:43,060
- VD?
- No.
552
00:36:44,178 --> 00:36:46,180
I'm sort of saving myself.
553
00:36:47,347 --> 00:36:50,317
It's really stupid. He
doesn't even know I exist.
554
00:36:51,143 --> 00:36:52,315
Who?
555
00:36:53,312 --> 00:36:54,438
Who?
556
00:36:55,981 --> 00:36:57,324
Jake Ryan.
557
00:36:58,484 --> 00:36:59,781
You like Jake?
558
00:37:00,486 --> 00:37:02,784
Jake's my boy.
559
00:37:02,863 --> 00:37:04,706
I just talked to Jake
in the gym.
560
00:37:04,782 --> 00:37:06,750
- He asked me about you.
- Did not.
561
00:37:06,825 --> 00:37:10,170
He did, too. He did. He asked
me what you were like.
562
00:37:10,245 --> 00:37:11,713
Oh, my... Oh.
563
00:37:11,914 --> 00:37:13,757
If you're lying, I'll
beat the crap out of you.
564
00:37:13,832 --> 00:37:15,084
I'm not lying.
565
00:37:15,167 --> 00:37:16,885
Oh, my God, what should I do?
566
00:37:17,628 --> 00:37:19,972
Should I go up to him? Should I
say, "Hi, Jake, I'm Samantha?"
567
00:37:20,047 --> 00:37:21,640
Or, no, maybe I should
let him come to me.
568
00:37:21,715 --> 00:37:23,137
This is not my department.
569
00:37:23,217 --> 00:37:25,595
But what if I decide to let him
come to me, and then he forgets?
570
00:37:25,677 --> 00:37:27,179
Or then what if
he changes his mind?
571
00:37:27,262 --> 00:37:29,515
And then I'm totally
screwed, right?
572
00:37:29,598 --> 00:37:31,020
Apparently so.
573
00:37:32,101 --> 00:37:34,524
What would you do
if you were me?
574
00:37:35,729 --> 00:37:37,322
I'm a gambling man by nature.
575
00:37:39,358 --> 00:37:40,359
And I'd go for it.
576
00:37:41,610 --> 00:37:45,240
This is so strange. But I think I will.
Oh, you're the best.
577
00:37:48,700 --> 00:37:50,794
- Wait...
- What?
578
00:37:51,703 --> 00:37:53,421
Do you know anything
about floppy disks?
579
00:37:53,539 --> 00:37:55,712
- We'll talk about this on the bus, okay?
- Well, no.
580
00:37:55,791 --> 00:37:57,964
See, the thing is,
I got kind of a problem.
581
00:37:58,043 --> 00:38:00,091
Well, floppy disks
are pretty expensive
582
00:38:00,170 --> 00:38:02,298
and, see, the thing is,
I made a bet with my friends,
583
00:38:02,965 --> 00:38:03,966
the dipshits.
584
00:38:06,343 --> 00:38:08,766
I bet them that
I'd do it with you.
585
00:38:09,263 --> 00:38:10,640
But this was before
I knew you as a person.
586
00:38:10,722 --> 00:38:13,225
I can get proof without
actually getting physical.
587
00:38:13,308 --> 00:38:14,400
How?
588
00:38:17,229 --> 00:38:19,106
Can I borrow your
underpants for 10 minutes?
589
00:38:19,731 --> 00:38:21,904
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
590
00:38:30,159 --> 00:38:32,537
I think it's time to blow this
thing off and go to your house.
591
00:38:32,619 --> 00:38:34,838
- Yeah?
- I told Tracy and Robin and those guys
592
00:38:34,913 --> 00:38:38,793
to come to your parents' house, okay?
I told them not to tell anybody.
593
00:38:38,876 --> 00:38:41,470
God, I love it when
your parents are out of town,
594
00:38:41,545 --> 00:38:43,013
I fantasize that I'm your wife,
595
00:38:43,088 --> 00:38:46,262
and we're, like, the richest,
most popular adults in town.
596
00:38:47,092 --> 00:38:49,515
I owe all my great
weekends to you.
597
00:38:51,638 --> 00:38:52,685
What's your problem?
598
00:38:52,764 --> 00:38:53,856
What?
599
00:38:53,932 --> 00:38:56,401
You've been acting
weird all night.
600
00:38:56,727 --> 00:38:57,899
Are you screwing around?
601
00:38:57,978 --> 00:39:00,652
Me? Are you crazy?
602
00:39:00,731 --> 00:39:02,699
I don't know, Jake.
603
00:39:02,774 --> 00:39:04,117
I'm getting strange signals.
604
00:39:04,193 --> 00:39:05,285
Well, they're not
coming from me.
605
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:08,204
Look, everything's fine.
Don't have a cow.
606
00:39:08,280 --> 00:39:09,372
Okay.
607
00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:12,117
But just remember one thing.
608
00:39:12,743 --> 00:39:15,246
I can name 20 guys
who'd kill to love me.
609
00:39:16,121 --> 00:39:17,373
Is that a threat?
610
00:39:17,456 --> 00:39:18,628
It's a fact, Jake.
611
00:39:20,167 --> 00:39:24,047
Come on. Before we get in a big, wicked
fight, let's get out of here, huh?
612
00:39:28,091 --> 00:39:30,765
Hi, Jake. I'm Samantha.
How's it going?
613
00:39:34,056 --> 00:39:35,979
Do you got a cigarette?
614
00:39:39,978 --> 00:39:41,571
Jake, this may sound
incredibly dumb,
615
00:39:41,647 --> 00:39:44,947
but I love you, and I'll do
anything to make you love me.
616
00:39:46,485 --> 00:39:48,203
I love your shirt.
617
00:39:52,783 --> 00:39:54,456
Jake, you're not
gonna believe this,
618
00:39:54,534 --> 00:39:58,004
but I had this very bizarre
dream, and you were in it.
619
00:40:01,625 --> 00:40:04,344
MAN: For heaven's sake.
Get in there and dance.
620
00:40:04,419 --> 00:40:07,468
- BOY: I can't. They won't like me.
- I'm not gonna tell you again.
621
00:40:07,547 --> 00:40:08,764
Just act like a man.
622
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:11,434
BOY: I wanna go home.
I wanna be with you guys.
623
00:40:52,342 --> 00:40:54,811
I can't believe I'm such a jerk.
624
00:40:55,887 --> 00:40:58,640
He smiles at me and
I don't say anything.
625
00:40:59,891 --> 00:41:03,316
And I can't believe
I gave my panties to a geek.
626
00:41:07,607 --> 00:41:08,654
What year are you?
627
00:41:08,775 --> 00:41:09,822
Freshman.
628
00:41:09,901 --> 00:41:12,245
Give me a buck. Okay, get in.
629
00:41:16,450 --> 00:41:18,669
(ALL CHATTERING)
630
00:41:26,084 --> 00:41:27,461
Shut up.
631
00:41:29,087 --> 00:41:30,259
Bryce?
632
00:41:30,922 --> 00:41:33,926
Ted, go for it.
633
00:41:34,301 --> 00:41:36,303
(DRUM ROLL)
634
00:41:39,598 --> 00:41:41,316
(ALL GASPING)
635
00:41:53,153 --> 00:41:55,247
Hey, listen.
636
00:41:56,573 --> 00:41:59,668
I wanna thank you for
loaning me the Donger.
637
00:42:03,121 --> 00:42:05,089
He's really bitching.
638
00:42:05,624 --> 00:42:08,377
That's okay. You guys
make a great couple.
639
00:42:10,670 --> 00:42:14,049
I've never been
so happy in my whole life.
640
00:42:14,132 --> 00:42:15,554
You maniac.
641
00:42:17,636 --> 00:42:20,230
Now I have a place
to put my hand.
642
00:42:21,223 --> 00:42:25,569
So basically, Jimmy, my
business is video game arcades,
643
00:42:26,645 --> 00:42:30,525
laundry, cigarette
machines and trucking.
644
00:42:31,483 --> 00:42:35,488
I dabble a little bit in
personal loans and politics.
645
00:42:40,158 --> 00:42:41,535
Very nice.
646
00:42:43,161 --> 00:42:47,007
I think that all that really matters
is that the kids are happy together.
647
00:42:48,166 --> 00:42:50,669
Just as long as my
beautiful boy remembers
648
00:42:50,752 --> 00:42:54,507
that marrying this one means he's
out of the Girl-of-the-Month club.
649
00:42:54,589 --> 00:42:57,468
Hey, wait a minute.
I can still look.
650
00:42:57,551 --> 00:42:59,679
I just can't touch. Right?
651
00:43:00,846 --> 00:43:02,848
- Oh, sensitive, huh?
- Rudy.
652
00:43:06,393 --> 00:43:08,111
- Cheers.
- Right on.
653
00:43:12,149 --> 00:43:14,322
You do shots? Come on, wolf it.
654
00:43:31,126 --> 00:43:33,629
Good night, Marlene.
See you later, Dong.
655
00:43:33,712 --> 00:43:37,592
Sammy, tell Grandpa not
to wait up. Let's go boogie.
656
00:43:38,383 --> 00:43:39,509
Sure.
657
00:43:41,803 --> 00:43:44,306
Donger's here for five hours
and he's got somebody.
658
00:43:44,389 --> 00:43:46,983
I live here my whole life,
and I'm like a disease.
659
00:43:52,105 --> 00:43:55,075
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)
660
00:44:32,854 --> 00:44:36,575
Everybody, I'd like you
to meet my boyfriend, Jake.
661
00:44:37,484 --> 00:44:40,704
Jake, this is everybody.
662
00:44:40,779 --> 00:44:42,577
BOY: Take it off.
663
00:44:43,448 --> 00:44:46,292
All right, whose is this?
664
00:44:47,285 --> 00:44:48,832
You're such a poop.
665
00:44:58,213 --> 00:44:59,715
(LONG DUK EXCLAIMING)
666
00:44:59,798 --> 00:45:01,300
(CRASHING)
667
00:45:22,654 --> 00:45:23,655
(BARKING)
668
00:45:31,538 --> 00:45:33,336
GIRL: Oh, Tony!
669
00:45:47,762 --> 00:45:48,763
(PAGER BEEPING)
670
00:45:48,847 --> 00:45:50,099
Shit, Ted, that's my mom.
I gotta get home.
671
00:45:50,181 --> 00:45:52,809
TED: Change your frequency, okay?
Don't be such a wimp.
672
00:45:59,065 --> 00:46:01,864
Take those ridiculous
things off, okay?
673
00:46:03,111 --> 00:46:05,079
Will you guys grow up?
674
00:46:05,155 --> 00:46:08,534
Ted, won't we get pounded
if we go to a senior party?
675
00:46:09,451 --> 00:46:13,046
Wease, we got $70, and we got
a pair of girl's underpants.
676
00:46:13,121 --> 00:46:15,419
We're safe as kittens. Okay?
677
00:46:15,498 --> 00:46:18,377
This is a great social
opportunity for us.
678
00:46:18,543 --> 00:46:19,544
Come on.
679
00:46:31,264 --> 00:46:32,766
Do not embarrass me, okay?
680
00:46:32,849 --> 00:46:34,726
For sure, we won't.
681
00:46:34,809 --> 00:46:37,688
- Will you fix your hair, Bryce?
- I already did.
682
00:46:38,271 --> 00:46:40,899
Wease, close your barn,
all right?
683
00:46:44,569 --> 00:46:47,118
- And be polite to his parents, all right?
- Okay, okay.
684
00:46:50,367 --> 00:46:52,244
(GONG SOUNDING)
685
00:46:52,327 --> 00:46:56,707
Hey, come on in and party
hearty, dude persons.
686
00:47:01,252 --> 00:47:04,347
He's from out of town, okay?
He speaks English, right?
687
00:47:04,422 --> 00:47:06,800
- Don't be such faggots.
- Man, shut up.
688
00:47:07,175 --> 00:47:08,552
Kidding. Sorry.
689
00:47:11,388 --> 00:47:13,390
- Think we're gonna die?
- Definitely.
690
00:47:23,775 --> 00:47:25,368
(PHONE RINGING)
691
00:47:32,492 --> 00:47:34,369
We put the cat out?
692
00:47:34,452 --> 00:47:35,954
We don't have a cat.
693
00:47:36,955 --> 00:47:38,081
Come on, damn it. Answer.
694
00:47:48,383 --> 00:47:49,600
Oh, eat me.
695
00:47:52,929 --> 00:47:54,306
Who is it?
696
00:47:56,141 --> 00:47:58,109
Well, what did they want?
697
00:48:00,311 --> 00:48:01,403
Sex.
698
00:48:09,487 --> 00:48:10,579
Geek!
699
00:48:22,834 --> 00:48:25,678
Very nice. We're here
five minutes and then...
700
00:48:26,796 --> 00:48:28,298
I'm at a loss.
701
00:48:31,217 --> 00:48:33,015
Real smooth, Cliff.
702
00:48:34,179 --> 00:48:36,352
(GRUNTING)
703
00:48:44,147 --> 00:48:46,445
I've never been out
with a boy before.
704
00:48:46,524 --> 00:48:48,197
Oh, me, neither.
705
00:48:49,277 --> 00:48:50,699
(PHONE RINGING)
706
00:48:56,993 --> 00:48:58,119
CAROLINE: Jake?
707
00:48:59,913 --> 00:49:01,756
Where are you, Jake?
708
00:49:02,791 --> 00:49:05,419
Jakey, have you
stopped loving me?
709
00:49:08,922 --> 00:49:10,390
Leave me alone.
710
00:49:22,018 --> 00:49:23,144
What?
711
00:49:24,562 --> 00:49:26,781
I'm sorry, I don't do that.
712
00:49:26,856 --> 00:49:28,984
- Yes, you do.
- I know.
713
00:49:29,067 --> 00:49:31,786
- Come on.
- CAROLINE: Trace. You guys.
714
00:49:32,946 --> 00:49:35,290
Would you please
help me, please?
715
00:49:35,365 --> 00:49:36,833
Oh, shit.
716
00:49:36,908 --> 00:49:38,455
Come on, you guys.
I'm your prom queen.
717
00:49:40,411 --> 00:49:43,381
Trace, you guys, I'm serious.
Come on. I need help.
718
00:49:43,456 --> 00:49:46,084
- Okay.
- Oh, I broke those pearls!
719
00:49:46,668 --> 00:49:48,170
What is the problem?
720
00:49:48,253 --> 00:49:49,675
Several things.
721
00:49:54,759 --> 00:49:56,386
Okay. We'll help you.
722
00:49:58,596 --> 00:50:00,940
Don't go away, Caroline, baby.
723
00:50:04,811 --> 00:50:06,688
(PHONE RINGING)
724
00:50:06,771 --> 00:50:09,069
Hello? Hello?
725
00:50:10,108 --> 00:50:13,408
Listen, I know you're there.
I can hear you breathing.
726
00:50:18,449 --> 00:50:19,666
Yes, hello, sir...
727
00:50:19,742 --> 00:50:22,746
Are you the little bugger that's
been calling up here all night
728
00:50:22,829 --> 00:50:24,797
and then hanging up?
729
00:50:24,873 --> 00:50:28,093
Would it be possible for you to tell
me if there is a Samantha Baker there?
730
00:50:28,167 --> 00:50:30,795
And if so, sir, may I
converse with her briefly?
731
00:50:30,879 --> 00:50:34,008
Yes, it is. And no, you may not.
732
00:50:35,550 --> 00:50:37,552
Might I leave a message, sir?
733
00:50:38,928 --> 00:50:41,351
He wants to leave
a message for Sam.
734
00:50:42,015 --> 00:50:44,143
Here, give me that phone.
735
00:50:45,643 --> 00:50:47,691
Now, you listen to me, mister.
736
00:50:47,770 --> 00:50:51,525
God did not put me on this earth to
be awakened by filthy suggestions
737
00:50:51,608 --> 00:50:54,612
from a foul-mouthed
hooligan like you.
738
00:50:54,694 --> 00:50:57,823
And as for our granddaughter, I'm
sure she has more than enough sense
739
00:50:57,906 --> 00:50:59,954
to stay clear of
the likes of you.
740
00:51:00,033 --> 00:51:02,206
Now, good night and good-bye!
741
00:51:07,665 --> 00:51:09,212
That was great.
742
00:51:09,667 --> 00:51:12,511
- Sam's lucky she has us, Howard.
- Yeah.
743
00:51:13,671 --> 00:51:16,971
Even if she doesn't
appreciate us.
744
00:51:18,343 --> 00:51:20,061
Do you promise
you won't get mad?
745
00:51:20,136 --> 00:51:21,809
No, I love you.
746
00:51:22,180 --> 00:51:24,478
Okay, close your eyes.
747
00:51:25,558 --> 00:51:28,437
- Scalpel.
- Scalpel.
748
00:51:38,613 --> 00:51:39,865
My God.
749
00:51:43,534 --> 00:51:47,038
ROBIN: That was wonderful, Trace!
I'm so proud of you.
750
00:51:47,121 --> 00:51:49,419
I don't know how
to thank you enough.
751
00:51:49,499 --> 00:51:50,842
My pleasure.
752
00:52:05,306 --> 00:52:08,401
My God. Wow.
753
00:52:09,060 --> 00:52:11,904
- GIRL: I hope they have insurance.
- GIRL 2: The party's over.
754
00:52:16,526 --> 00:52:18,824
(DISTORTED MUSIC PLAYING)
755
00:53:02,655 --> 00:53:03,907
Son of a bitch.
756
00:53:14,625 --> 00:53:16,298
What a disaster.
757
00:53:31,559 --> 00:53:33,436
(TED PANTING)
758
00:53:43,571 --> 00:53:44,993
Jake!
759
00:53:46,574 --> 00:53:47,666
JIM: Sam.
760
00:53:49,285 --> 00:53:50,662
Sweetheart?
761
00:53:52,830 --> 00:53:55,174
- Daddy?
- Hi, kiddo.
762
00:53:56,542 --> 00:53:58,010
What's wrong?
763
00:53:58,086 --> 00:53:59,463
Nothing. Everything's fine.
764
00:54:01,089 --> 00:54:03,717
I was just upstairs
and I couldn't sleep.
765
00:54:06,344 --> 00:54:08,688
I feel like a real jerk, honey.
766
00:54:10,348 --> 00:54:12,271
We forgot your birthday.
767
00:54:15,353 --> 00:54:17,697
I bet you're really POed, huh?
768
00:54:18,564 --> 00:54:20,362
No, it's okay.
769
00:54:20,983 --> 00:54:22,610
I'm not really
all that upset anymore.
770
00:54:24,862 --> 00:54:28,662
This wedding is really turning
this entire house inside out.
771
00:54:29,534 --> 00:54:32,879
And I just came down to tell
you that we did remember.
772
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:35,548
Thanks, Dad.
773
00:54:37,166 --> 00:54:38,713
Happy birthday
774
00:54:49,554 --> 00:54:51,556
ls something else wrong?
775
00:54:53,224 --> 00:54:54,441
No, why?
776
00:54:54,517 --> 00:54:57,191
I don't know, I just get the feeling
that something's bothering you.
777
00:54:57,270 --> 00:54:59,568
Something other
than your birthday.
778
00:55:00,064 --> 00:55:02,988
No, I'm fine. Really.
779
00:55:08,072 --> 00:55:10,120
I think I know what it is.
780
00:55:12,994 --> 00:55:15,292
It has to do with a certain guy?
781
00:55:17,832 --> 00:55:18,833
(SIGHS)
782
00:55:22,420 --> 00:55:24,263
I know, honey, I know.
783
00:55:28,176 --> 00:55:31,271
We're all upset that
Ginny's marrying a bohunk.
784
00:55:36,934 --> 00:55:38,652
What's the matter?
785
00:55:40,438 --> 00:55:42,031
I meant Jake.
786
00:55:42,190 --> 00:55:43,191
Jake?
787
00:55:44,442 --> 00:55:46,444
Wait a minute. I thought she
said his name was Rudy.
788
00:55:46,527 --> 00:55:47,949
Forget it.
789
00:55:48,446 --> 00:55:50,448
Forget what? Who's Jake?
790
00:55:53,117 --> 00:55:56,963
He's a boy, Daddy. It's nothing.
Okay? Just forget it, please?
791
00:55:57,747 --> 00:56:00,091
Come on, Sam,
we're not communicating.
792
00:56:01,125 --> 00:56:03,594
It's extremely
embarrassing, okay?
793
00:56:04,420 --> 00:56:06,138
What's embarrassing?
794
00:56:06,464 --> 00:56:10,469
Sitting in the dark with your dad,
telling him about your love life.
795
00:56:11,510 --> 00:56:13,888
I'm afraid you
lost me again, Sam.
796
00:56:16,641 --> 00:56:20,396
Jake is a senior, and he's
beautiful and perfect.
797
00:56:20,478 --> 00:56:23,607
I like him a real lot, and
he doesn't like me. Okay?
798
00:56:23,689 --> 00:56:24,690
Oh.
799
00:56:26,359 --> 00:56:28,578
And he's got this
incredible girlfriend.
800
00:56:28,653 --> 00:56:32,374
I'm just this ridiculous dork that's
following him around like a puppy.
801
00:56:32,448 --> 00:56:34,246
Why do you think you're a dork?
802
00:56:34,325 --> 00:56:35,918
I don't think you're a dork.
803
00:56:36,160 --> 00:56:37,833
I don't think Mom
thinks you're a dork.
804
00:56:37,912 --> 00:56:39,255
Mike thinks I'm a dork.
805
00:56:39,330 --> 00:56:40,331
Mike is a dork.
806
00:56:42,166 --> 00:56:43,759
Well, so am I.
807
00:56:43,834 --> 00:56:46,678
Well, if it's any consolation,
I love you.
808
00:56:47,505 --> 00:56:52,227
And if this guy can't see in you all the
beautiful and wonderful things that I see,
809
00:56:52,301 --> 00:56:54,349
then he's got the problem.
810
00:56:54,929 --> 00:56:56,897
I know. It just hurts.
811
00:56:58,266 --> 00:57:00,735
That's why they
call them crushes.
812
00:57:01,227 --> 00:57:04,447
If they were easy, they'd
call them something else.
813
00:57:05,982 --> 00:57:09,452
Yeah, but if I were Ginny, I'd have
this guy crawling on his knees.
814
00:57:09,527 --> 00:57:12,280
Well, let me tell you
something about Ginny.
815
00:57:12,363 --> 00:57:14,457
Now, I love her
as much as I love you.
816
00:57:14,615 --> 00:57:16,208
But she's a different person.
817
00:57:17,034 --> 00:57:19,207
Sometimes I worry about her.
818
00:57:19,704 --> 00:57:22,503
You know, when you're given
things kind of easily,
819
00:57:22,581 --> 00:57:24,959
you don't always
appreciate them.
820
00:57:25,042 --> 00:57:27,090
With you, I'm not worried.
821
00:57:27,503 --> 00:57:31,303
When it happens to you,
Samantha, it'll be forever.
822
00:57:36,304 --> 00:57:38,727
Well, I don't think
I'll be able to sleep
823
00:57:38,806 --> 00:57:41,184
if I don't feel this
little talk has helped you.
824
00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:44,570
So would you be
a sport and lie to me?
825
00:57:44,645 --> 00:57:46,318
Yeah, sure, Daddy.
826
00:57:47,440 --> 00:57:49,989
- Good night, sweetheart.
- Good night.
827
00:57:56,824 --> 00:57:58,667
Oh, one more thing, sweetheart.
828
00:57:58,743 --> 00:58:00,165
What?
829
00:58:00,536 --> 00:58:04,336
When you do find the right guy,
don't let him boss you around.
830
00:58:05,541 --> 00:58:08,886
Make sure he knows you wear
the pants in the family.
831
00:58:13,382 --> 00:58:14,884
These are really hers?
832
00:58:14,967 --> 00:58:15,968
Yeah.
833
00:58:16,135 --> 00:58:17,978
How did you get them?
834
00:58:18,054 --> 00:58:19,806
She gave them to me.
835
00:58:20,389 --> 00:58:21,766
Did you...
836
00:58:21,891 --> 00:58:24,815
No. No, Jake,
she's crying for you.
837
00:58:25,561 --> 00:58:28,155
I told her you asked about her, right?
The girl freaked.
838
00:58:28,230 --> 00:58:31,200
She had a hissy. She thinks
you're the cat's meow.
839
00:58:31,776 --> 00:58:32,777
- Really?
- Yeah.
840
00:58:32,860 --> 00:58:34,988
She came up to me
in the gym tonight.
841
00:58:35,071 --> 00:58:37,620
She looked at me
like I was a leper.
842
00:58:37,907 --> 00:58:39,875
Girls will do that,
Jake, you know?
843
00:58:39,950 --> 00:58:42,703
You see, they know guys are,
like, in perpetual heat, right?
844
00:58:42,787 --> 00:58:45,961
They know this shit.
And they enjoy pumping us up.
845
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:48,463
It's pure power politics,
I'm telling you.
846
00:58:48,542 --> 00:58:50,761
I thought she hated my guts.
847
00:58:50,836 --> 00:58:54,136
Games, Jake.
Silly, torturous games.
848
00:58:54,215 --> 00:58:55,888
You know how many times a
week I go without lunch
849
00:58:55,966 --> 00:58:57,718
because some bitch
borrows my lunch money?
850
00:58:57,802 --> 00:59:01,056
You know, any halfway decent
girl can rob me blind.
851
00:59:01,138 --> 00:59:03,516
Because I'm too torqued up
to say no.
852
00:59:03,599 --> 00:59:05,818
It's heinous, I'm telling you.
853
00:59:06,060 --> 00:59:08,062
You better not be
dicking me around.
854
00:59:08,145 --> 00:59:10,443
It'd be a major downer to try
and get together with this girl
855
00:59:10,523 --> 00:59:12,901
and find out she really does
think I'm a slime.
856
00:59:12,983 --> 00:59:14,906
Jake, would I dick you?
857
00:59:15,528 --> 00:59:17,826
Let me put it to you this way.
858
00:59:18,155 --> 00:59:20,783
What happens to me
if I dick you?
859
00:59:20,866 --> 00:59:22,834
I'd kick your ass.
860
00:59:22,910 --> 00:59:24,958
Right. So why would I lie?
861
00:59:26,038 --> 00:59:27,756
But I feel compelled
to mention to you, Jake,
862
00:59:27,832 --> 00:59:30,631
I mean, if all you want off the
girl is a piece of ass, I mean,
863
00:59:30,709 --> 00:59:34,304
I'll either do it myself,
or get someone bigger than me
864
00:59:34,380 --> 00:59:36,053
to kick your ass.
865
00:59:37,216 --> 00:59:41,096
I mean, not many girls in
contemporary American society today
866
00:59:41,178 --> 00:59:44,307
would give their underwear
to help a geek like me.
867
00:59:45,182 --> 00:59:47,731
I can get a piece of
ass any time I want.
868
00:59:47,810 --> 00:59:51,110
Shit, I got Caroline in the bedroom
right now, passed out cold.
869
00:59:51,188 --> 00:59:54,283
I could violate her 10
different ways if I wanted to.
870
00:59:54,984 --> 00:59:56,156
What are you waiting for?
871
00:59:56,235 --> 00:59:57,532
I don't know.
872
00:59:57,611 --> 01:00:00,581
She's beautiful and
she's built and all that.
873
01:00:00,948 --> 01:00:03,326
I'm just not interested anymore.
874
01:00:04,034 --> 01:00:05,536
Does that really matter, guy?
875
01:00:05,619 --> 01:00:06,996
Yeah, it matters.
876
01:00:07,079 --> 01:00:10,504
She's totally insensitive.
Look what she did to my house.
877
01:00:11,709 --> 01:00:13,677
She doesn't know
shit about love.
878
01:00:13,752 --> 01:00:16,050
Only thing she cares
about is partying.
879
01:00:16,130 --> 01:00:18,258
I want a serious girlfriend.
880
01:00:18,716 --> 01:00:21,640
Somebody I can love,
that's gonna love me back.
881
01:00:23,554 --> 01:00:25,101
Is that psycho?
882
01:00:27,683 --> 01:00:29,481
That's beautiful, Jake.
883
01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:31,983
You know, I think a ton of guys
feel the same way as you do.
884
01:00:32,062 --> 01:00:34,156
- Really?
- Yeah. It's just they don't...
885
01:00:34,231 --> 01:00:36,074
They don't have the balls to admit it.
You know what I mean?
886
01:00:36,150 --> 01:00:38,699
I mean, they're just...
They're wimps.
887
01:00:39,195 --> 01:00:41,994
Samantha's... She's
really special, you know?
888
01:00:42,239 --> 01:00:43,661
I'll make a deal with you.
889
01:00:43,741 --> 01:00:45,459
You let me keep these,
890
01:00:46,494 --> 01:00:48,713
I'll let you take Caroline home.
891
01:00:48,787 --> 01:00:50,289
But you gotta make sure
she gets home.
892
01:00:50,372 --> 01:00:53,922
You can't leave her in some
parking lot somewhere. Okay?
893
01:00:55,085 --> 01:00:56,462
Jake, I'm only a freshman.
894
01:00:56,545 --> 01:00:59,549
So? She's so blitzed,
she won't know the difference.
895
01:01:00,049 --> 01:01:01,426
Jake, I don't have a car.
896
01:01:01,509 --> 01:01:02,886
You can take mine.
897
01:01:03,302 --> 01:01:05,475
Jake, I don't have a license.
898
01:01:06,138 --> 01:01:07,560
I trust you.
899
01:01:11,685 --> 01:01:15,315
Jake, I'd love to.
I can't. Want a pretzel?
900
01:01:15,397 --> 01:01:18,025
- You sure?
- Positive.
901
01:01:30,955 --> 01:01:32,502
- I got her.
- You got her?
902
01:01:32,581 --> 01:01:33,628
Yeah.
903
01:01:44,635 --> 01:01:45,852
This is your car, Jake?
904
01:01:45,928 --> 01:01:47,225
No, this is my dad's car.
905
01:01:47,304 --> 01:01:49,807
You said you couldn't
drive a stick.
906
01:01:49,890 --> 01:01:52,484
This is a...
907
01:01:52,560 --> 01:01:54,688
This is a Rolls-Royce, Jake.
908
01:01:54,770 --> 01:01:57,023
- So?
- So? So?
909
01:01:57,731 --> 01:02:00,484
I heard the grill alone
costs five grand on this.
910
01:02:00,568 --> 01:02:04,243
Five grand. Do you have five grand?
I don't have five grand.
911
01:02:04,321 --> 01:02:06,574
- Then don't hit anything.
- Don't hit anything.
912
01:02:06,657 --> 01:02:08,910
Do you want to do this or not?
913
01:02:08,993 --> 01:02:10,085
No.
914
01:02:13,581 --> 01:02:16,175
Who the hell? Who does he...
915
01:02:43,235 --> 01:02:44,487
Who's he?
916
01:02:44,570 --> 01:02:45,571
That's me.
917
01:02:53,037 --> 01:02:54,459
Who are you?
918
01:02:54,538 --> 01:02:55,539
I'm him.
919
01:03:04,006 --> 01:03:05,132
Okay.
920
01:03:05,924 --> 01:03:08,598
- She's totally gone. Have fun.
- Thanks.
921
01:03:15,559 --> 01:03:17,653
Jake, is your dad
a big man, or...
922
01:03:17,728 --> 01:03:18,945
About 6'4".
923
01:03:19,021 --> 01:03:20,398
Very nice.
924
01:03:24,151 --> 01:03:25,243
Ho.
925
01:03:31,075 --> 01:03:32,292
Ho.
926
01:03:33,744 --> 01:03:35,212
Easy.
927
01:03:36,372 --> 01:03:37,419
Easy.
928
01:04:01,980 --> 01:04:03,948
(LONG DUK LAUGHING)
929
01:04:09,571 --> 01:04:13,201
Oh, sexy girlfriend.
930
01:04:14,952 --> 01:04:16,499
Banzai!
931
01:05:02,207 --> 01:05:03,254
Think they liked us?
932
01:05:03,333 --> 01:05:04,334
Definitely.
933
01:05:05,669 --> 01:05:06,636
Go, darling geek.
934
01:05:06,712 --> 01:05:08,055
TED: Could we turn that
music down a little bit?
935
01:05:08,130 --> 01:05:10,758
I'm a first-time driver.
I really need to concentrate.
936
01:05:10,841 --> 01:05:13,344
Excuse me. Stop that.
937
01:05:14,344 --> 01:05:16,767
Looks like rain.
Better put the top up.
938
01:05:16,847 --> 01:05:19,851
Will you stop that? You can get us
in a lot of trouble doing that.
939
01:05:19,933 --> 01:05:21,526
This is a car.
940
01:05:23,228 --> 01:05:25,981
He probably doesn't even got
Triple A on it or anything.
941
01:05:26,064 --> 01:05:28,533
Chug-a-lug, Pooh Bear.
942
01:05:30,402 --> 01:05:33,747
I can't believe you're so
popular, acting like this.
943
01:05:33,822 --> 01:05:35,165
(CAR PHONE RINGING)
944
01:05:36,909 --> 01:05:38,126
Hello?
945
01:05:38,619 --> 01:05:40,997
Oh, I don't know.
I'll have to look.
946
01:05:41,079 --> 01:05:43,332
Mr. Ryan, are you in here?
947
01:05:43,415 --> 01:05:44,758
He's not. Mr. Ryan's
not in right now.
948
01:05:44,833 --> 01:05:46,130
Where are you?
949
01:05:46,210 --> 01:05:48,838
My Christmas present to you.
950
01:05:48,921 --> 01:05:51,174
- Thank you.
- No. Really. Serious.
951
01:05:51,548 --> 01:05:53,141
See? See?
952
01:05:55,052 --> 01:05:56,429
Thank you.
953
01:05:58,388 --> 01:06:00,561
Now we're both on the pill.
954
01:06:06,563 --> 01:06:08,657
You gave me
a birth control pill?
955
01:06:08,732 --> 01:06:10,951
Do you have any idea what
that'll do to a guy my age?
956
01:06:11,026 --> 01:06:13,745
I know exactly what
it'll do to a girl my age.
957
01:06:13,821 --> 01:06:15,664
First time in a car,
and then this shit.
958
01:06:15,739 --> 01:06:19,039
It makes it okay to be
really super careless.
959
01:06:19,117 --> 01:06:20,790
Wait, wait.
960
01:06:26,583 --> 01:06:30,258
Look, we're not going any further until
you stop these childish antics, Caroline.
961
01:06:30,337 --> 01:06:32,089
Don't be such a poop.
962
01:06:34,091 --> 01:06:35,434
On second thought.
963
01:06:35,759 --> 01:06:36,760
CAROLINE: I love you.
964
01:06:41,890 --> 01:06:43,767
This is getting good.
965
01:07:03,078 --> 01:07:04,751
(CLATTERING)
966
01:07:08,375 --> 01:07:10,173
Ted, what the hell
are you doing?
967
01:07:10,252 --> 01:07:11,970
Are those humongous jocks back?
968
01:07:14,464 --> 01:07:15,932
Cliff, do you have
any film in your camera?
969
01:07:16,008 --> 01:07:17,055
What?
970
01:07:18,302 --> 01:07:20,851
Take those ridiculous
things off.
971
01:07:22,389 --> 01:07:24,892
- Do you have any film in your camera?
- Sure.
972
01:07:24,975 --> 01:07:27,478
Okay. You guys, go get it
and bring it outside, okay?
973
01:07:27,561 --> 01:07:29,063
- Right out front.
- What for?
974
01:07:29,146 --> 01:07:31,945
Look, just get it
and come on out front, okay?
975
01:07:32,524 --> 01:07:34,447
- UFO?
- It's better.
976
01:07:35,611 --> 01:07:37,659
- Extraterrestrial?
- It's better. All right?
977
01:07:37,738 --> 01:07:39,991
Just get it and come on outside.
978
01:07:40,073 --> 01:07:42,451
BOTH: Female extraterrestrial?
979
01:07:42,534 --> 01:07:44,207
It's better, now...
980
01:07:45,078 --> 01:07:47,297
Better than female
extraterrestrial?
981
01:07:47,372 --> 01:07:49,340
How do you tell
if it's a female?
982
01:07:49,416 --> 01:07:50,588
'Cause it's got tits.
983
01:07:50,667 --> 01:07:52,510
Well, what makes them
different than regular tits?
984
01:07:52,586 --> 01:07:56,136
They got four. Just get the camera.
It's in the closet.
985
01:07:56,924 --> 01:07:58,267
No, don't go in the closet.
986
01:07:58,592 --> 01:07:59,718
(CRASHING)
987
01:08:03,347 --> 01:08:05,145
They're such assholes.
I can't believe it.
988
01:08:06,850 --> 01:08:08,351
- CLIFF: ...photography.
- BRYCE: Well, it's not my fault,
989
01:08:08,352 --> 01:08:10,605
- you should check that out.
- Why do you always have to argue?
990
01:08:10,687 --> 01:08:12,109
- I'm not arguing.
- Yes, you are.
991
01:08:12,189 --> 01:08:13,281
- I am not.
- Yes, you are.
992
01:08:13,357 --> 01:08:15,200
- I am not.
- Every time I try to do something,
993
01:08:15,275 --> 01:08:17,369
- it's always bitch, bitch, bitch.
- Bitch is a female dog.
994
01:08:17,444 --> 01:08:18,821
Okay? Not even.
995
01:08:18,904 --> 01:08:20,622
What's that supposed to mean?
996
01:08:21,865 --> 01:08:23,538
- Shit.
- Shoot.
997
01:08:40,634 --> 01:08:43,308
Ted, that's a Rolls-Royce.
998
01:08:43,387 --> 01:08:45,139
Ted, that's the prom queen.
999
01:08:45,222 --> 01:08:46,644
You got two girls in one night.
1000
01:08:47,891 --> 01:08:50,440
- I told you dudes I was hot.
- Hot? Ted, you're a legend.
1001
01:08:50,519 --> 01:08:51,896
Will you shut up?
1002
01:08:52,062 --> 01:08:53,814
People around here work,
all right?
1003
01:08:55,065 --> 01:08:57,193
Now, will you hurry it up? I'm
breaking, like, 30 major laws here.
1004
01:08:57,275 --> 01:08:59,152
- Come on.
- You know, Ted,
1005
01:08:59,236 --> 01:09:01,284
nobody's gonna believe you.
1006
01:09:01,863 --> 01:09:02,910
No way.
1007
01:09:04,908 --> 01:09:09,084
That, my friends, is what
the pictures are for. Okay?
1008
01:09:23,635 --> 01:09:25,262
Just get that thing there.
1009
01:09:26,096 --> 01:09:28,599
- All right, you guys ready?
- Wait, hold on.
1010
01:09:30,851 --> 01:09:31,852
Just put it down just a bit.
1011
01:09:31,935 --> 01:09:33,528
You guys know what you're
doing here, or what?
1012
01:09:33,603 --> 01:09:35,355
All right, just a minute.
1013
01:09:35,439 --> 01:09:37,658
- How does this look?
- Very nice.
1014
01:09:38,608 --> 01:09:41,782
Wait a minute, you know, black-and-white,
it would just capture the moment so nicely.
1015
01:09:41,862 --> 01:09:42,988
Wouldn't it?
1016
01:09:43,071 --> 01:09:45,540
Will you take
the picture already?
1017
01:09:45,615 --> 01:09:48,164
You're pissing me off,
I'm telling you.
1018
01:09:50,829 --> 01:09:54,379
- Smile, pumpkin.
- What? Oh. Pictures.
1019
01:09:54,916 --> 01:09:56,714
Cheers.
1020
01:10:30,994 --> 01:10:33,338
Marlene, no. Marlene, no.
1021
01:10:35,540 --> 01:10:37,087
Chill out, boy.
1022
01:10:37,167 --> 01:10:38,840
Mike, honey, go get dressed.
1023
01:10:38,919 --> 01:10:42,298
I can't believe it.
Ginny's not in the shower.
1024
01:10:42,380 --> 01:10:44,098
I wouldn't go in there
if I were you.
1025
01:10:44,174 --> 01:10:46,427
Grandpa Fred was in there
for a half an hour.
1026
01:10:46,510 --> 01:10:48,933
- It's totally polluted.
- Get dressed.
1027
01:10:49,012 --> 01:10:50,639
It's your nose.
1028
01:10:55,393 --> 01:10:57,236
They never listen.
1029
01:10:57,312 --> 01:10:59,064
What was he wearing?
1030
01:10:59,356 --> 01:11:00,824
Well, he would have...
1031
01:11:00,899 --> 01:11:05,200
He was wearing a red argyle
sweater and tan trousers.
1032
01:11:06,321 --> 01:11:07,538
And red shoes.
1033
01:11:09,866 --> 01:11:11,743
No, he's not retarded.
1034
01:11:11,827 --> 01:11:13,921
Now, what can I do to help?
1035
01:11:13,995 --> 01:11:15,747
Well, you could finish
the French toast.
1036
01:11:15,831 --> 01:11:16,957
Good.
1037
01:11:18,542 --> 01:11:21,295
I'll just open the donuts.
1038
01:11:21,378 --> 01:11:22,675
Good thinking.
1039
01:11:22,754 --> 01:11:24,882
Don't wanna lose the nails.
1040
01:11:31,012 --> 01:11:33,606
I'll just wait till
I hear from you, then.
1041
01:11:33,682 --> 01:11:35,650
Voilà. Breakfast is ready.
1042
01:11:38,228 --> 01:11:39,525
Oh, Sam.
1043
01:11:40,897 --> 01:11:43,696
Sam, I am so sorry
about your birthday.
1044
01:11:45,360 --> 01:11:47,533
It's okay. I'll recover.
1045
01:11:48,405 --> 01:11:50,328
It's important to you.
1046
01:11:51,199 --> 01:11:54,749
And yesterday morning,
you were trying to tell me.
1047
01:11:55,996 --> 01:11:57,543
It's okay, Mom.
1048
01:11:58,248 --> 01:12:00,501
These things sometimes happen.
1049
01:12:00,584 --> 01:12:04,680
Oh. Honey,
I just feel miserable.
1050
01:12:04,754 --> 01:12:06,097
You'll feel better.
1051
01:12:06,381 --> 01:12:07,382
Who died?
1052
01:12:11,094 --> 01:12:14,348
Is there something you want
to say to your sister?
1053
01:12:14,431 --> 01:12:18,402
What? Are you kidding?
Where should I start?
1054
01:12:18,476 --> 01:12:21,025
I mean about her birthday.
1055
01:12:21,104 --> 01:12:23,072
It was yesterday. We all forgot.
1056
01:12:24,774 --> 01:12:26,117
Classic.
1057
01:12:32,782 --> 01:12:34,955
Deep down, he's really sorry.
1058
01:12:39,164 --> 01:12:41,292
- No, he's not.
- No, he's not.
1059
01:12:42,292 --> 01:12:45,341
I have to go to this wedding and
look like Miss Pretty Princess
1060
01:12:45,420 --> 01:12:47,343
in this dipshit's
bridesmaid's dress.
1061
01:12:47,422 --> 01:12:50,892
I don't even have one-tenth of the
bod to fill the stupid bust up.
1062
01:12:50,967 --> 01:12:54,221
So what? Should I just waste
myself and spare the agony?
1063
01:12:54,304 --> 01:12:56,648
I was gonna tell you something,
but maybe I shouldn't.
1064
01:12:56,806 --> 01:12:57,807
It's pretty bad.
1065
01:12:57,974 --> 01:13:00,727
You may as well. Nothing
could shock me anymore.
1066
01:13:02,646 --> 01:13:06,367
Last night at the dance, my little brother
paid a buck to see your underwear.
1067
01:13:06,441 --> 01:13:07,738
(SCREAMING)
1068
01:13:09,694 --> 01:13:12,447
I hate that rock 'n' roll
rubbish.
1069
01:13:12,530 --> 01:13:14,828
Well, I'm afraid it's
here to stay, Howie.
1070
01:13:20,247 --> 01:13:23,171
Sam, you're dragging
your dress, honey. Pick it up.
1071
01:13:23,250 --> 01:13:25,423
Come on, Ginny.
Hurry up, sweetie.
1072
01:13:25,502 --> 01:13:27,004
SARA: Why is she so slow?
1073
01:13:27,087 --> 01:13:29,431
BRENDA: Do not fuss at your sister.
It's her wedding day.
1074
01:13:29,506 --> 01:13:30,678
SARA: Big deal.
1075
01:13:30,757 --> 01:13:32,555
All right, is everybody in?
1076
01:13:32,634 --> 01:13:34,602
Oh, dear.
Are you all right, Ginny?
1077
01:13:43,687 --> 01:13:45,485
Come on, everybody.
1078
01:13:48,024 --> 01:13:50,493
Get in the car, please.
We're late already.
1079
01:13:58,702 --> 01:14:02,423
Helen, will you get in the car? I don't
know what they're fussing about.
1080
01:14:03,248 --> 01:14:04,875
Helen, get in the car.
1081
01:14:18,054 --> 01:14:19,647
FRED: Hey, Howard,
there's your Chinaman.
1082
01:14:19,723 --> 01:14:21,725
- HOWARD: Oh, thanks, Fred.
- Bye, Dong.
1083
01:14:23,351 --> 01:14:26,104
What the... What's he doing
on the ground there?
1084
01:14:26,229 --> 01:14:28,652
What's happened to him?
What's happened?
1085
01:14:28,732 --> 01:14:30,325
Hold a mirror in
front of his mouth.
1086
01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:32,368
Howard. He's dead!
1087
01:14:32,736 --> 01:14:35,740
Oh, shit. I pay seven grand for
a wedding, I'll never see it.
1088
01:14:35,822 --> 01:14:38,666
Oh, watch your language,
Mr. Dirty Mouth.
1089
01:14:40,160 --> 01:14:43,039
- Oh, thank God, he is still warm.
- Oh, good.
1090
01:14:43,121 --> 01:14:45,920
- Here, help me roll him over.
- I'll help you.
1091
01:14:49,919 --> 01:14:51,671
- Gross.
- Canine cologne.
1092
01:14:52,047 --> 01:14:55,096
Oh, no more yankie my wankie.
1093
01:14:55,175 --> 01:14:57,052
The Donger need food.
1094
01:14:59,929 --> 01:15:02,603
Hell, he's three sheets
to the wind.
1095
01:15:03,725 --> 01:15:05,147
He's drunk as a skunk.
1096
01:15:05,226 --> 01:15:07,524
Oh, why don't you shut up,
Fred. Shut up.
1097
01:15:07,604 --> 01:15:08,981
Dong.
1098
01:15:11,107 --> 01:15:12,404
Dong.
1099
01:15:13,109 --> 01:15:15,828
Dong, Grandpa is talking to you.
1100
01:15:18,031 --> 01:15:22,832
Dong. Where is my automobile?
1101
01:15:23,244 --> 01:15:24,666
Automobile?
1102
01:15:28,792 --> 01:15:31,887
(LONG DUK IMITATING
CAR CRASHING)
1103
01:15:34,923 --> 01:15:37,597
Lake. Big lake.
1104
01:15:39,761 --> 01:15:42,139
Why, you little scuzzbag.
1105
01:15:45,141 --> 01:15:48,441
Oh, my. ls everything all right?
1106
01:15:48,520 --> 01:15:51,649
I was afraid you'd
had an accident.
1107
01:15:51,731 --> 01:15:54,029
I wish.
1108
01:15:54,109 --> 01:15:55,782
Her monthly bill came early.
1109
01:15:58,988 --> 01:16:02,583
Well, she's fine. She just
took a muscle relaxer.
1110
01:16:02,659 --> 01:16:04,002
Try four.
1111
01:16:04,953 --> 01:16:06,921
- You didn't.
- Mother.
1112
01:16:26,516 --> 01:16:28,143
Damn, Mom.
I've got my headgear on.
1113
01:16:28,226 --> 01:16:30,024
Will you wake up?
1114
01:16:31,521 --> 01:16:33,114
Where the hell am I?
1115
01:16:34,190 --> 01:16:37,740
I'll tell you where you are
if you'll tell me who you are.
1116
01:16:39,779 --> 01:16:41,452
Farmer Ted.
1117
01:16:41,531 --> 01:16:45,126
You're in the parking lot across
the street from my church.
1118
01:16:46,494 --> 01:16:48,167
You own a church?
1119
01:16:53,293 --> 01:16:54,715
What happened?
1120
01:16:55,128 --> 01:16:56,129
I have no idea.
1121
01:17:01,718 --> 01:17:03,846
Did I do that to your hair?
1122
01:17:05,263 --> 01:17:07,857
At this point,
anything is possible.
1123
01:17:14,731 --> 01:17:15,903
Did...
1124
01:17:18,568 --> 01:17:20,195
- Did we...
- Yeah.
1125
01:17:21,821 --> 01:17:23,448
I'm pretty sure.
1126
01:17:27,118 --> 01:17:29,120
Excuse me, but do you...
1127
01:17:29,746 --> 01:17:32,374
Do you know if...
Did I enjoy it?
1128
01:17:34,501 --> 01:17:35,923
What, am I nuts?
Of course I enjoyed it.
1129
01:17:36,002 --> 01:17:38,801
I mean... What I meant was,
1130
01:17:39,589 --> 01:17:40,590
did you?
1131
01:17:45,929 --> 01:17:48,523
You know, I have
this weird feeling I did.
1132
01:17:58,483 --> 01:18:00,156
Here, Ginny. Drink this.
1133
01:18:01,444 --> 01:18:02,696
Come on.
1134
01:18:04,781 --> 01:18:05,873
Here.
1135
01:18:10,537 --> 01:18:11,629
Wow.
1136
01:18:12,539 --> 01:18:14,507
Do I feel funky.
1137
01:18:35,144 --> 01:18:36,817
Okay. I'm coming.
1138
01:18:38,982 --> 01:18:42,577
Hello? Geez,
this place is so confusing.
1139
01:18:44,571 --> 01:18:45,697
Okay.
1140
01:18:55,331 --> 01:18:58,210
Go away. I call FIB.
I call police.
1141
01:18:58,334 --> 01:19:00,257
- Go away.
- Open the door.
1142
01:19:00,336 --> 01:19:02,930
- No way, Jose.
- Open the door.
1143
01:19:03,006 --> 01:19:04,599
You beat up my face.
1144
01:19:04,924 --> 01:19:05,925
You grabbed my nuts.
1145
01:19:10,346 --> 01:19:12,519
- Was that you?
- Yeah. That me.
1146
01:19:14,892 --> 01:19:16,519
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1147
01:19:17,604 --> 01:19:21,734
I thought you my new,
new-style American girlfriend.
1148
01:19:21,816 --> 01:19:23,443
Forget it, man. Just get
Samantha, all right?
1149
01:19:23,526 --> 01:19:24,903
She not here.
1150
01:19:24,986 --> 01:19:26,488
Don't jerk me around, man.
Where is she?
1151
01:19:26,571 --> 01:19:28,790
- She got married.
- What?
1152
01:19:28,865 --> 01:19:32,495
She at the church. She getting
married to oily bohunk.
1153
01:19:33,202 --> 01:19:35,125
- Married?
- Married.
1154
01:19:35,204 --> 01:19:37,252
- Married?
- Yeah. Married.
1155
01:19:41,586 --> 01:19:42,803
Married?
1156
01:19:42,879 --> 01:19:44,802
Married! Geez.
1157
01:19:52,930 --> 01:19:55,308
Are you gonna be
all right, sweetie?
1158
01:19:55,391 --> 01:19:58,235
It's gonna be a piece
of cake, Bren.
1159
01:20:01,147 --> 01:20:03,570
Ginny, I'm really happy for you.
1160
01:20:04,817 --> 01:20:07,536
I'm sorry for being
kind of a jerk lately.
1161
01:20:09,030 --> 01:20:11,078
That's really lovely, Sam.
1162
01:20:11,491 --> 01:20:13,710
I know you'll have
a great marriage.
1163
01:20:18,915 --> 01:20:20,087
BRENDA: Ginny.
1164
01:20:24,253 --> 01:20:26,631
- Holy shit.
- She just had a cramp.
1165
01:20:27,340 --> 01:20:29,263
JIM: I don't care what she's got.
Look at her.
1166
01:20:29,342 --> 01:20:31,470
BRENDA:
Will you please be quiet?
1167
01:20:31,552 --> 01:20:35,182
We don't want to announce to
everyone that she has her period.
1168
01:20:35,264 --> 01:20:36,732
I guess those guys who thought
we had to get married
1169
01:20:36,808 --> 01:20:39,186
feel pretty stupid right
about now, huh, padre?
1170
01:20:49,904 --> 01:20:52,828
Here comes the bride
1171
01:20:53,741 --> 01:20:56,540
Big, fat and wide
1172
01:21:08,297 --> 01:21:10,220
Love the teapot.
1173
01:21:19,809 --> 01:21:22,028
Could you move over?
1174
01:21:25,314 --> 01:21:27,408
- Are you okay? You all right?
- I gotta rest.
1175
01:21:27,483 --> 01:21:29,451
- Come on. Here we go.
- What's the matter?
1176
01:21:29,527 --> 01:21:31,325
Here comes the bride.
1177
01:21:36,325 --> 01:21:38,703
Here we go. Okay. Come on.
1178
01:21:43,833 --> 01:21:45,005
Sorry.
1179
01:21:46,419 --> 01:21:48,171
I got it. I got it.
1180
01:21:53,050 --> 01:21:54,142
Hi.
1181
01:21:54,969 --> 01:21:56,346
I know you.
1182
01:21:58,639 --> 01:22:00,767
Can't see with this thing on.
1183
01:22:05,354 --> 01:22:07,857
I never went out
with a freshman.
1184
01:22:08,608 --> 01:22:11,111
Not even when I was a freshman.
1185
01:22:11,194 --> 01:22:12,912
Me, either.
1186
01:22:12,987 --> 01:22:14,534
You were pretty crazy.
1187
01:22:15,865 --> 01:22:17,833
- I was?
- Yeah.
1188
01:22:19,202 --> 01:22:20,545
But you know what I like best?
1189
01:22:21,204 --> 01:22:23,377
- My clean, close shave?
- No.
1190
01:22:25,958 --> 01:22:27,676
Waking up in your arms.
1191
01:22:29,545 --> 01:22:31,047
These things?
1192
01:22:36,260 --> 01:22:37,477
Shit.
1193
01:22:37,553 --> 01:22:40,147
Jake.
1194
01:22:42,809 --> 01:22:44,152
Holy shit.
1195
01:22:50,650 --> 01:22:53,244
- Stay here, okay?
- Oh, my God.
1196
01:22:58,866 --> 01:23:00,163
I'm dead.
1197
01:23:00,701 --> 01:23:02,795
(CAR PHONE RINGING)
1198
01:23:09,794 --> 01:23:12,013
- Hello?
- CLIFF: Ted. You never called us back.
1199
01:23:12,088 --> 01:23:13,715
What happened?
1200
01:23:13,798 --> 01:23:15,471
Look, Wease. I told you
not to call me here.
1201
01:23:15,550 --> 01:23:17,803
Ted, we're dying. What happened?
1202
01:23:17,885 --> 01:23:19,102
You wanna know what happened?
1203
01:23:19,720 --> 01:23:20,937
- Buy the book.
- Ted.
1204
01:23:28,938 --> 01:23:31,566
I'm really sorry about getting
you mixed up with that guy.
1205
01:23:31,649 --> 01:23:33,151
Oh, it's okay.
1206
01:23:33,985 --> 01:23:35,703
It wasn't too terrible.
1207
01:23:35,903 --> 01:23:36,904
Weird?
1208
01:23:40,116 --> 01:23:42,210
I'm really sorry
about last night.
1209
01:23:42,285 --> 01:23:43,628
The party.
1210
01:23:44,787 --> 01:23:46,334
Lots of things.
1211
01:23:50,293 --> 01:23:53,263
You know, neither one
of us is gonna die
1212
01:23:54,755 --> 01:23:56,632
if it doesn't happen for us.
1213
01:23:57,508 --> 01:23:58,976
That's true.
1214
01:23:59,594 --> 01:24:01,722
I just don't know right now.
1215
01:24:01,804 --> 01:24:04,273
But I'm covered, okay?
I won't get hurt.
1216
01:24:06,183 --> 01:24:07,309
Sure.
1217
01:24:10,313 --> 01:24:12,236
I'll leave it up to you.
1218
01:24:13,566 --> 01:24:14,658
Fine.
1219
01:24:59,528 --> 01:25:02,202
- WOMAN: Oh, my God.
- Her veil.
1220
01:25:06,994 --> 01:25:07,995
(GLASS SHATTERING)
1221
01:25:30,893 --> 01:25:32,395
Come on, honey.
1222
01:25:34,730 --> 01:25:35,982
- Honey.
- Let's go!
1223
01:25:36,065 --> 01:25:38,067
Come on. Here we go.
1224
01:25:38,859 --> 01:25:40,987
Get her in the back seat, Rudy.
1225
01:25:42,279 --> 01:25:43,701
Bon voyage!
1226
01:25:46,450 --> 01:25:48,452
- See you later.
- Bye.
1227
01:25:48,536 --> 01:25:50,334
- Good-bye.
- So long, kids.
1228
01:26:04,927 --> 01:26:08,352
Oh, hi. My sister
forgot her veil.
1229
01:26:08,931 --> 01:26:11,684
I know she wouldn't want anything
to happen to it. She's...
1230
01:26:11,767 --> 01:26:13,189
She's a little out of it.
1231
01:26:13,269 --> 01:26:14,771
Just a little bit.
1232
01:26:15,146 --> 01:26:17,774
Yeah. Well, excuse me.
1233
01:26:18,149 --> 01:26:21,278
Everybody's waiting for me. I wanna
make sure I see my sister leave.
1234
01:26:21,485 --> 01:26:22,953
Good-bye.
1235
01:26:23,362 --> 01:26:24,363
Bye.
1236
01:26:25,448 --> 01:26:27,200
Oh, I need a drink.
1237
01:26:59,982 --> 01:27:00,983
Me?
1238
01:27:01,275 --> 01:27:02,527
Yeah, you.
1239
01:27:16,957 --> 01:27:18,083
- Hi.
- Hi.
1240
01:27:18,167 --> 01:27:19,259
- Hi.
- Hi.
1241
01:27:23,172 --> 01:27:24,549
What are you doing here?
1242
01:27:24,632 --> 01:27:26,350
I heard you were here.
1243
01:27:27,551 --> 01:27:29,394
You came here for me?
1244
01:27:30,179 --> 01:27:31,681
Is that okay?
1245
01:27:33,057 --> 01:27:34,525
Yeah, it's okay.
1246
01:27:35,101 --> 01:27:37,479
Do you have to go
to the reception now?
1247
01:27:38,062 --> 01:27:39,689
I'm supposed to.
1248
01:27:40,773 --> 01:27:42,366
Can I call you later?
1249
01:27:42,650 --> 01:27:43,651
Sure.
1250
01:27:45,694 --> 01:27:46,946
I mean, no.
1251
01:27:50,324 --> 01:27:51,826
No, I can't call you later?
1252
01:27:51,909 --> 01:27:52,910
Yeah.
1253
01:27:54,453 --> 01:27:57,252
No, I mean I'm not going
to the reception.
1254
01:27:59,333 --> 01:28:00,880
Oh. Great.
1255
01:28:15,307 --> 01:28:17,401
That's the boy!
1256
01:28:46,172 --> 01:28:48,595
Thanks for getting
my undies back.
1257
01:28:49,133 --> 01:28:51,056
Thanks for coming over.
1258
01:28:51,844 --> 01:28:53,767
Thanks for coming to get me.
1259
01:28:56,140 --> 01:28:58,142
Happy birthday, Samantha.
1260
01:29:00,102 --> 01:29:01,524
Make a wish.
1261
01:29:04,565 --> 01:29:06,488
It already came true.